Hemlock Clan: What I Am

~ XLVI ~

**Trigger Warning - mentions of abuse and dark thoughts. Please skip this chapter if you like**

Cameron

One thought kept swirling around in my mind, becoming stronger each day, consuming my body, my mind, my soul.

I don't want to be here any more.

Please ...

No more.

I can't take it.

I want to die.

That single thought kept going over and over in my head, on a loop, urging me to end it all. I didn't care if it was a painful death. I just wanted this nightmare to stop.

Standing at the window, looking out at the darkness of the night sky beyond the bars fixed to the glass, I felt another tear roll down my cheek, as I wrapped my arms around my waist. I was still in the same strange bedroom I'd woken up in, tied to the bed that time.

Now, I was allowed to walk around the room, but it brought little relief to my tortured mind and weak body.

The sandwich and glass of water sitting on the bedside table remained untouched. I didn't feel like eating.

Never did.

Even though I felt my body losing strength, I didn't want to eat anything. My stomach churned at the thought of food as my mind, although tired, still tried to work out what was going on.

Every time I was awake, it was night time. I hadn't seen daylight in a while. Or was it the same night? How long had I been here?

One day?

Two days?

A week?

I had no idea.

All I knew was that Lance kept coming into the room, taunting me, talking to me, kissing on me. Then, in a blink of an eye, he'd be gone, leaving me with a confused mind and an aching body. Sometimes, my ass hurt. Other times, my dick was throbbing, like I'd just had sex.

But I hadn't.

I knew he was doing things to me, probably adding drugs to the food so that I could never remember what it was he did. But, was having a blank memory the best? Not being able to remember the nightmare he was obviously putting my body through?

Did I really want to know what Lance was doing to me?

He kept telling me I was beautiful, and when that word fell from his lips, it stung, pierced my chest, stabbed at my mind. It was never said with sincerity, with love.

Not like it had with Blake.

Blake.

Fuck.

I missed him.

Another tear trickled down my cheek as I hung my head, my neck too weak to support it.

Realising he was a vampire had been a shock, but I had come to accept it now, accept the fact that vampires were real. And not all of them were like Lance.

Like Blake. He was nothing like Lance.

He had held me, kissed me, loved me ... in ways I'd never been loved before. The way he had made me feel ...

A sob worked its way up my throat and I buried my face in my hands, my legs shaking, threatening to give way.

If only I had realised that before. Instead of running from him, kicking him out of my apartment ... if only I had listened to him when he said he could explain.