Guilia effortlessly wrapped her tiny fist around my finger when the corners of my heard tugged and my heart squeezed, every pore inside of me screaming in beautiful pain as I looked into grey eyes of my youngest one looking back at me with love and wonder in her eyes, her lips stretched into a wide smile looking back at her father, a sense of peace, tranquility and safety etched onto her face. I pulled her closer and nuzzled her against my neck, never letting go once. I don't know when it happened but I remember closing my eyes as tears fell down my face. I clutched Guilia extremely close to me and buried my face in her shoulder when I let my tiredness get the best of me.
Guilia shifted and tightened her tiny arms around my neck as far as her little arms could go when I let the tears fall down when a soft hand laid on my arm as Sophia whispered, "Ashton?"
And all hell broke loose when I pulled Sophia into my embrace and let it all out. Everything that I had bottled up all that time ago. Sophia clutched me closely, rubbing my back back and forth when her hand stilled and before I could figure out what had happened, she immediately placed her hand on the back of my lower neck and worked the joints there, knowing how much massaging that point eased the fuck out of me. Even with all the pain coursing through my body, I managed to whisper, "It feels as if my neck is having an orgasm."
She laughed out loud when she smacked me, "Leave it on you to make sex jokes even at this time."
"Well, I also made one when Massimo's son peed on the sofa." I remember coming in the living room to see Massimo stressing over the wet stains on the sofa and I clearly remember asking him to pack his shit except his kid's, and leave the house for I sure as hell wasn't having open orgasming men in the house. I understood I had money but that didn't mean that I could buy a new sofa every other damn week.
Massimo had looked at me as if I had insulted him, insinuating that I had taken it a bit far for Aurelius not being able to hold in his pee because he got scared from the film and that's when I was okay with keeping that sofa in the house even after cleaning. Kids pee? Sure. Massimo's nut results? Nope. No. Not even in a million and one years.
Sophia giggled, "He was pretty offended that you thought he could ever do that."
"If he could order fifty packs of condoms in my name, I sure as hell can think he did that."
"You did take your revenge for that."
"I didn't."
"Ordering three hundred sex toys in his name...seriously? That isn't revenge?"
"Not in my book, no."
She shook her head and came closer, removing the tears from my face from earlier when she whispered, "What happened?"
"I love you."
Confusion spread across her face when her eyebrows knitted together, "So it's a bad thing that made you cry?"
"Seriously woman, how did you even pass your mdcat and then mbbs if this is how much dumb you are."
She squinted her eyes at me and placed both hands on her hips, "OI-"
"Save it, doc."
I looked at Guilia on my shoulder to see her body slowly rising up and down. My suspicion was that she had slept when before I could walk to the mirror and see for myself, Sophia herself stepped forward, looked at her as I looked at her features when the most beautiful calm expression graced my wife's face. My own features softened when I looked at my angel, falling more and more in love with her with each passing second. I kissed Guilia's head, the scent of baby shampoo wafting up my nose, calming me down when I pulled her closer to me. Sophia kissed her nose when she looked at me and whispered, "She slept in her dada's arms, because she always feels safe with you. Oddly more than with anyone else."
I chuckled and tightened my embrace around my little me subconsciously, her sentence oozing the calmness within me when I pulled Sophia's hand and took her to the bed. Making her sit there, I went back, picked up the roses and got back to her. Slowly lowering myself on the bed, to make sure my little Guilia didn't wake up, I handed over the flowers to Sophia. She had a red blush on her cheeks and she was trying all mighty to still show me she was angry over the insult I made towards her a couple of seconds ago, but the roses and my handsome features won because there was actually a smile on her face.
I slowly shifted Guilia so that she was laying on my lap as I needed my hands to hold Sophia's. Making sure that my baby was okay and sound asleep lying horizontally in my lap, I snatched her fur blanket from the side and slowly draped it over her, the white and pink of the blanket matching perfectly with the white and pink of her baby cheeks. 6 months in and she already had me wrapped around her finger.
Once my heart was at ease that our little angel was okay, I looked up to find Sophia's eyes already on me, a plethora of softness and warmth filling in her eyes when I held her hands in mine. She shifted closer till our knees were touching each others. I pulled her even closer when she raised her knee and rested it on my leg as I put my forehead against hers. Her smile was practically melting on her face when I whispered, "It was just one of those days." She eagerly understood and just nodded, not saying another word to me.
It was one of those days when my past caught back to me all of a sudden, when I collapsed, when I suddenly felt all drained and my energy lost and gone. It was one of those days where I found myself in the deep, dark hole again, the pit ending in nothing but pain, jabs and swords. My body falling down a never ending tunnel of darkness, oxygen getting less and less as my lungs and throat locked up, depriving me and my brain from anything close to a life. It was one of those days when I was weak, lethargic, pathetic and wanted to just crawl into a hole and never come out. The phase of life where I wanted to scream, punch and cry but nothing left my mouth or heart. It had all dried up. The blood had all dried up. Even the tattoos on my back covering the scars looked coward, as if masking the weak parts of me, too afraid for the world to see.
I hated this.
I hated this sudden attack of weakness, this sudden loss of energy and even the will to live. I hated and loathed it with every part of my body, every fibre of my being. And where I refused to see a therapist knowing my world was dangerous, there was nothing I could do except live with it and let it all burn up inside me, the ashes roaming through my bloodstream everywhere I went.
Sophia whispered, "I love you, Ashton."
Eyes softening and heart blooming with love for this special woman ahead of me, I tilted my head and closed the distance between us, softly laying my lips over hers as I whispered, "I love you more, angel. I love my Sofie the most."
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I wrote this during one of my down times so hope you liked it, lmao. Poor Ashton, my always go-to character LMAO.
Peace.
A.ZChaudhry
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The pain of a bleeding chest
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