C.O.D. X Male!Reader Oneshots

Pain In Silence. -Keegan-

Angst.

Been a while, huh? This goes into a bit of MY past, please be mindful of what you comment on this chapter.

Reader was born in 2000 (whenever your birthday is.)

Tw; Mentions of harmful tendencies, Suicidal thoughts, mention of pain infliction, attempted suicide in detail, SA mentioned more than once. Don't read if you can't handle anything mentioned previously.
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It was 5:34 in the morning. You needed to get your morning routine going. Your best friend, Keegan was laying in the room beside your own, thinking of him you questioned everything, how you got someone as good as him. Why he thought of talking with you.

You pushed your thoughts aside, walking into your bathroom to get a shower. You turned the water to warm, letting it run til it got to your desired temperature, you discarded your clothing and got into the shower, letting the warm water run over your tense body. You kept trying to relax but it wasn't easy, your mind racing with thoughts. Thoughts you wanted to listen to, thoughts telling you to grab your gun, place the muzzle of the simple M1911 you owned to your temple, and pull the goddamn trigger. It would make everything go away, and it wouldn't even effect anyone. Keegan could go find one of his other buddies to hangout with, Logan, Hesh, Gabriel, Thomas, or, well really just anyone else.

He would get over your death sooner or later.

You concluded your shower, and got dressed, by the time you were fully dressed and making sure you were ready for work, it was around 7:00, Keegan was gonna wake up soon. Or maybe he was already up. You didn't know, but all you knew was you were so fucking ready to end everything. You heard Keegan come out of his room, he flashed you a smile, going to make a cup of coffee.

Some people say, 'Thank the lord that you woke up today.' When for you it was more, 'Why ain't I dead yet?' But it didn't matter, you knew you were stuck here. And by the 'grace of god' it was a longer stay then you hoped. A longer stay than you wished.

You were so fucking ready to do it. You glanced at the case, clear with metal trim. It showed the title and other legality's you had to have to keep it. (Picture at top is what it looks like) The gun itself, was a common matte black, though, it was augmented, red-dot sight, extended mags, suppressor, as well as a flashlight. Needless to say it was a nice gun. Could take a beating too. Had more than one magazine with it, more bullets the better, especially if the bullets aren't hollow-tips. But, most good ol' .45 cal pistols, or hand guns in general aren't. This being it can cause them to jam.

You sighed, eyes drifting away from your gun, and to Keegan, who was giving you a look. "Thinking about it again, huh?" He sighed, you hadn't fully tuned back into reality until he spoke, you simply shook your head, "No, why would I be? I'm fine." You questioned him, not in denial but also definitely in denial.

Keegan nodded, "Whatever you say man, whatever you say.." He muttered, you sighed softly, grabbing your keys, making sure you had your wallet, then you spoke again, "I'm heading to work. I'll cya later." You nodded to Keegan then walked out, he had a complete knowledge of what was going on in your head, and he honestly knew it was eating at you.

He knew that it was bothering you. Pestering your mind like a younger sibling who doesn't stop annoying you.

But one day, possibly soon. It would be done. Over, you'd be forgotten. Like you had been growing up.

(Here is where the hell that is basically my life starts 😍. Also, yes this is based on my actual life experiences.)

SA MENTIONED AHEAD.⚠️

To get this shit show started, October 24, 2003. Just before/after your 3rd birthday. Your pathetic excuse of a father left. Leaving you and your mother behind as he ditched off back to Michigan.

Only a few months later, in 2004, you a young 4 year old boy, was sexually assaulted by a kid 3-4 years older than you and his sister too. How fucking great right?

Of course, your mother was still friends with these two's mother, so despite your "long forgotten" hatred you were forced to see them til you were about 9. When they finally left.

By the time you were around 5 or 6 your mom got a new boyfriend, he seemed pretty nice at first, he was around for a few years before deciding to be a fucking bastard and ghost everyone.

Of course your mom tried her best after, but sometimes that wasn't enough. She was occasionally neglectful. Leaving your grandma and grandpa to raise you, for she had to get some time to herself for a bit, try and get over that douche bag.

Well, some time went by. You were in fourth grade, a mostly straight A student, and a bit of an experimental kid, having a crush on a guy, who you started "dating" which, you were honestly so happy, but this happiness turned to absolute fucking hatred.

He absolutely ruined your innocence just as what happened when you were 3 or 4. Sexually assaulting you for the second time in your life, ecxept on multiple different occasions.

(SA mentions over. ⚠️)

The next year, you were doing great, yeah, you fucking hated your teacher's but, everything was just going a-okay! Right? Well no. Your at the time girlfriend had decided to fuck you over, and that kinda just ruined everything. Your mental health just dropped. That same year, you got sick of everything and while on school grounds, decided to make the attempt, trying to slit open the main artery in your wrist since it would allow you to bleed out.

A few years went by and everything got better, you ajd your few friends went on to highschool together, they tried to keep you as okay as possible, but by the time you became an adult everything just fucked you over again. Leading to now.

(🤙🏻 I love my life 😍)

You just kinda sat in your car after you had gotten to work, slamming your head into the steering wheel, the whole steering column shaking after your head slammed into the wheel. You stopped and grabbed your wallet, keys and phone before heading into work, and just hoping to god you'd survive the day.

Which, you did, your boss was proud, he said you just needed to relax a bit more, recommending you take some paid time off. Which you gladly fucking did, the only thing being, you weren't coming back from this week P.T.O. At least you hoped. You were probably gonna blow your fucking brains out when you got home. This would hopefully be the last day you had to endure of this hell.

You hopped back in your truck, pulling out of the parking lot and beginning the dreadful trek back home. When you finally got back to your house, you saw a glimpse of Keegan through the window, he was sitting on the couch, looking about as dumb as he usually does. God he really doesn't seem to ever serve the purpose of looking smart, but that was something you always enjoyed about being friends with Keegan.

You unlocked the door and kicked your shoes off, nodding to Keegan, then taking a glance into the kitchen, your gun was missing. You instantly looked around the living room. Eyes meeting with Keegan's. "So, where the fuck is my gun?" You spoke dully.

"I'm not telling you until you tell me what's going on in your fuckin head, because im not just gonna loose my best friend to something that he could've just talked to me about." You fell silent. Keegan pat the seat beside him, "Either speak up, or don't find out."

You grumbled, cocking your head to the side in annoyance, sitting beside him as you actually began to speak up. It wasn't much, but it was enough for Keegan to understand you weren't okay. And he didn't try to interrupt you. He just sat in silence, listening to every word you said, once ypu were done talking he just hugged you, saying a mere few words that made everything feel just that little bit better

"I love you and I promise you it'll be okay."