Charted Territory || BDSM

Chapter 17 ~ The Best Chai in The City

❦ Dearest readers, I hope everyone is recovering from the last chapter and still excited for what's still to come between our two loves. ❦

❦ Random question since I always upload on Fridays: what does everyone love to do on Friday nights? ❦

I awake, my face squished against a decorative pillow in the middle of my bed, boiling in Cameron's sweater.

What happened tonight?

All too quickly, the reality hits me: I'm in the midst of the biggest relational turmoil I have experienced since Anthony. And I even told someone like Cameron that I loved him. Someone who since two years ago when I saw him in a group chat photo had constructed him as the epitome of the type of man to run far away from.

Upon dropping me home, there was hardly an exchange of words between Cameron and me. He felt horrible as he watched me wipe tears from my face as I cried silently, over and over and over again trying to offer comforting words. All I could hear were my thoughts, telling me that he was someone to be fearful of once again.

Contrary to what I truly wanted, I told Cameron to go home when he offered to stay. I wanted him there, but I knew staying together was not in my best interest. He told me he'd call me in the morning. I nodded at him with my face scrunched from my never-ending sobbing, slamming the passenger door shut. 

I had not cried in a month and even then, it did not feel cleansing like this one. I let myself cry even harder as I flop into bed, breathing in his leftover scent on the French Terry material of the hoodie he gave me, which only makes my vision blur more with the water dripping from my eyes. A sign of shattered hope. 

My bed embraces me. I missed it dearly. I run a hand across my bottom, wondering if I'll still feel the impact of the spanking. To my surprise, the pain is nearly gone.

"He was doing his best," a voice deep inside says.

My inner voice is not crying. She's sitting on her throne in all her wisdom. She can read people like a book.

All I see when I close my eyes is Cameron's mother. I see her dimples and smell her perfume. It's as though I can still feel the lounger I sat in as she spoke words of warning to me. I see his father's piercing blue eyes. His cousin making business deals on a Saturday night while his pregnant wife wishes to go home. His brother, Thomas, fixing their mother her cocktail just the way she likes it. I have a phantom feeling running across my legs as if I'm still wearing the flouncy dress Cameron bought me.

He was doing his best.

Tonight I feel like my inner voice is right here with me. The way her voice sounds tonight is the closest I have ever gotten to believing she was real and living inside me. Whoever she is. Her reassurance was like a powerful surge that wound my mind down, sending me into a worryless sleep which was a blessing after the night I had. 

My 8 a.m. alarm awoke me. I was ridden with remorse when it dawned upon me that I had completely forgotten about Sunday morning brunch with my girls. 

I send an untruthful text to the group chat to cover my tracks, "Good morning, friends. I did not sleep well last night. I will not make it to brunch today but I miss you all too much. Let's plan a girls' night at my place soon!"

Eloise was the first to reply, "Eden Hall is meeting at that new ramen & cocktail bar on 7th Street. Will you be there??"

I realize as I snuggle back into my covers that I have seldom checked The Eden group chat in the last week or so, nor did I even notice plans were being made. I open the group message.