Chapter 5 - so things are different tonight

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Tree P.O.V:

We sit down together on the couch, placing the movie in the DVD player. Remote flicks on the....remote...and the introduction begins.

Black Hole sits next to me, leaning against my shoulder. I let them, they deserve it. 

"What is this movie?" They ask, hugging their knees into their chest. "Moana." Remote says, munching on her popcorn. Black Hole nods, their tail snaking around the couch. I feel as it wraps around me slowly, I chuckle as Black Hole is unaware.

The colorful screen displays the movie. Black Holes seems mesmerized, I smile at their reactions. Moana's grandmother continues speak, talking all about their ancestry. It was pretty interested, it's been a bit since I've watched this movie.

The movie progresses as Moana goes and saves her people. It was fun to watch her interactions with Maui. I feel Black Hole put more pressure on my shoulder, I look at them. Realizing they'd fallen asleep.

Cute...

"What're you lookin' at?"

I shoot my head up at remote, who had paused the movie. I shrug, "What do you mean?" I say, trying to brush her off.

"I know what your doing here Tree!" She smiles, leaning in close. I blush, looking away from her. "I-I don't know what your talking about..." 

She giggles, "You like them." She says matter of factly, I roll my eyes. "Yeah...they're a good friend." I smile, trying to mislead her. Of course, it doesn't work. "Sure...friend..." She hums, leaning against my other shoulder.

"What's it to you anyways?" I ask her, looking away. She shrugs, "I just want to make sure your happy, y'know...after...what happened. You deserve to be happy too, Tree"

I sigh, "Yeah...I know...thanks Remote..." smiling at her, she nods. "Just tell me when you eventually confess to them..."

I chuckle, "Sure...okay." I shift a bit, being careful to not wake them. "If they're awake and hear this, I swear to god Remote."

She glares at me playfully, "I'll be there at your funeral." 

"Thanks so much..."

I continue to stare at them, a peaceful expression on their face. It was nice to know they weren't having another nightmare. 

"Do you wanna keep watching?" She asks, yawning. I look at the time, 2:37 am. She looks exhausted. We've probably played the movie over and over again a million times.

"No...you seem tired as it is..." I say, leaning back into the couch. I feel Black Hole's tail twitch, I hold their head in my arms. Petting their head, the twitching stops sending them back to sleep. I let out a long breath. "Goodnight Remote..."

"Night..." she yawns, shutting her eyes. 

                             *****************************************

Black Hole P.O.V:

I look around, getting up slowly. That was...strange...I kind of just woke up...

I usually feel groggy or something. But, I feel fine now. I crawl out of Trees arms, feeling that familiar warm feeling rush across my face. I shake it off, heading into the room with the sink.

I step in, shutting the door behind me. I look up, seeing myself stare back at me. I give out a small yelp, feeling my tail flick behind me. I stare intrigued...that is...me? I walk up slowly to the mirror. Placing my hand on it.

That's me?

I didn't know I looked like that. Oh my stars has this been the way Tree has been seeing me? They had been looking at me weird sometimes, now I think I know why.

Why do I not look right?

I do not like how my face looks. Why does it look like that? Why has Tree not said anything? What is wrong with me?

I look away, not wanting to look at myself anymore. I kind of fall onto the ground, hugging my knees into my chest. I think about all of the interactions I have had with Tree...

They are very kind, probably the kindest person in the world. I mean...they seem to enjoy my company...even though I look like this. They are very kind, I am so lucky to have them. I like them very much.

Do they like me to?

Mother and Father always talked about how amazing love was. They told me I would never experience it. They said they didn't want me to experience it...

So what am I feeling now?

Do they even love me? Would they love me? Who am I kidding...who would love me? Why would they? I have nothing to offer.

Just a waste of space.

I do not understand. Why am I feeling this? Is it because they treat me like no one else ever has? Why suddenly now do I feel this way? Why did my parents hide this from me? 

Why do I love them?

I feel tears run down my face, snapping back to reality. Wiping my face with my hand, I sigh. Shutting my eyes tight, not wanting to look at myself, or think about anything. I want to just float in a void, with nothing but stars.

I miss home...but I can not go back.

"I do not understand..." I weep, speaking softly. I lay my head back, staring at the ceiling. Why did I even come here? To mope about my sorrows?

Was I so ashamed of myself I needed to get away from it all? Do I hate myself?

Yes...yes I do

I do not get it, I do not understand. I can not keep going, I can not keep going. I want to die, I want to be alone. I can not do this.

Mother would have wanted this, she would have been so proud of me for finally realizing what I am. A freak.

I do not get it.

I think of Tree...why am I here? I was fine an hour ago...we were having fun. Watching a...'movie' thing. I was fine...I was happy for once. Why am I so depressed now? Why am I such a failure? I can not even feel happy.

I feel stuck, I feel trapped, I can not keep going like this. I this really how I want to die? Alone in a small room in the house of the person who actually cared about me? I had been so naive to think they would want anything to do with me.

My family had never loved me, no one had ever loved me. Tree had never loved me. 

It is over...it is over and I am glad. I shut my eyes, wanting to rake my arms with blades. I place my nails on my arms, wanting to feel what I deserve.

"Black Hole?"

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Word count: 1053

hey.

Sorry to all those who requested. I can't do it right now. I need a break from my oneshot book. 

This book is gonna be my comfort book, I'll write in it when I need to chill.

Love you guys. 

 

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