Life Without You

Epilogue

"I would choose you in every lifetime." 

* * * 

"Sierra Hanson."

Principal Wong called my name. I stood, my eyes darting to Sam who was seated a few rows behind me. He gave me an encouraging smile before nodding his head toward the podium Principal Wong was standing behind as she waited to hand me my diploma.

I had never thought that I would graduate. Even just now, while I watched each of my classmates seated in front of me get called up to get their diploma, I worried they wouldn't call my name.

But they did call it.

I had graduated.

Sam had been working with me non stop the past few months so that I could graduate. We'd spent hours studying and going over material that most kids had learned years prior. I was the definition of behind but Sam never gave up on me. And that made me not want to give up on myself.

And all that work had finally paid off.

I began my walk up to the podium. Principal Wong smiled at me, proud. She held my diploma out with one hand and with the other she shook mine. She leaned in close and said softly. "In all my years of working in education I have never been more proud than I am right now." And then even though she hadn't done it with any other student that had received their diploma, she leaned in and gave me a quick hug.

"Thank you for giving me a chance." I said to her,

"Thank you for being such an inspiration." She said back to me.

Word had gotten around about what happened to me. It was no longer a secret. When an article about me was published in the local paper Principal Wong called me up to her office. She told me her story which was surprisingly very similar to mine.

I took my diploma, gave Principal Wong one more smile before I walked back to my seat and she called another name.

After the ceremony was over I met up with Dad, Ella, and Maya. Dad engulfed me in a giant hug when he saw me. He was grinning from ear to ear and when he pulled back he shook his head at me. "I can't believe you'll be in college in three months."

Sam and I had done a lot of research on schools that don't require SAT or ACT scores since I had never taken them. UMass Boston was the best one we found and even though I applied to five other schools I knew UMass was where I wanted to go. I wasn't ready to leave Boston. I had just started to have a good relationship with my Dad and I would miss my family too much if I went out of state. But the main reason I didn't want to leave Boston was that Sam was going to school in Boston too. Sam had been accepted into Northeastern University which was only a fifteen minute drive from UMass.

"I know right, she just got here." Ella agreed.

I smiled at them. "I won't be that far away."

"We're still gonna miss you though." Ella said and Maya, who she was holding in her arms, put her hands out toward me and made one of her many cute baby noises. "See, even Maya agrees." Ella held Maya out for me and I took her into my arms.

Maya was the cutest baby to ever exist and I absolutely loved her. She had only been alive for five months and she was already one of my favorite people. I had been worried about being a good sister but I wasn't so scared anymore. Plus, my therapist says that I can't let things from my past stop me from living my life fully. So I'm not going to. And that doesn't mean I'm forgetting my mom or Amber because I'm not. I think about them everyday. My therapist also said that I should write a letter to Amber at least once a week, so I can still feel connected to her. And I'll admit it really helps.

An arm wrapped around my waist and I turned to see Sam standing beside me. "Hi, Maya." He said, smiling down at my sister. Then he looked back up at me, pressed a kiss to my forehead, and said, "Hi, Sierra."

I chuckled. "Hi, Sam."

"Sam, have you got your move in date for Northeastern yet?" My father asked him.

Sam nodded. "They sent out the email last week. Mine's the 25th of August."

"That's exciting." Ella smiled.

"Sam, Sierra! Are you coming?" We all turned to see Logan standing by TJ's car with the rest of our friends. The plan was to go to TJ's house after the ceremony to set up the graduation party we were hosting there because TJ had a pool.

"Duty calls." Sam chuckled as I handed Maya back to Ella.

"I'll see you guys at TJ's in an hour?" I said to Dad and Ella and they both nodded.

Sam and I started to make our way to our friends. Sam placed his hand in mine, interlocking our fingers as we walked. Sam and I had been officially dating for almost eight months now and they had been the happiest eight months of my life. Sam made me happy. Even on my bad days when all I could think about was how much I missed Amber or the days where I relived everything Aaron did to me.

Sam was always there for me. He'd seen me at my worst and he loved me anyway. He made me feel special.

And not just Sam but everyone, Dad, Ella, Alex, Abby, Logan, Roxy, TJ, they all have helped me remember Amber. They listen to my stories about her. They ask about her. It makes me happy to think that even people who didn't know her are making an effort to remember her life.

There are days that I miss Amber so much that I catch myself wishing that she had never been my sister in the first place and I hate those days because even though it's painful to think about, sometimes I know that I wouldn't be where I am without my sister. She is the best thing to ever happen to me, having a sister is one of the best things that can happen to anyone and if you're one of the lucky people who have one in your life you better hold on to them tight.

I think a sister is more than someone who you're related to by blood. She's a best friend. She's a confidant. She's someone who you can tell all your secrets to and she'll keep every one of them. She's the person you can spend hours with and not even realize they've passed. She'll cry when you cry. She'll smile when you smile. She'll laugh so hard with you you'll forget what the joke was in the first place. She'll teach you things you wouldn't learn from anyone else and you'll teach her things too. I still don't know how to live without Amber. But I'm going to try because I know she would want me to. I also know she wouldn't want me to settle, she'd want me to go and live out my dreams like we had always talked about. Some days it's going be hard. Some days it's going to be better. It's never going to be easy and I don't think I want it to be. 

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