Life Without You

13

"The attitude came from pain, I wasn't always like this."

* * *

Mr. Lenson was handing out our Trig test today and I've been sitting on the edge of my seat since the bell rang. I've actually been listening to what he was saying. I was anxious but a good kind of anxious. It didn't feel like how anxiety usually felt. There was no tightness in my chest and my breathing was even. I was more excited than I was nervous because I was confident. I felt like I had done good on the test.

After Mr. Lenson had taken attendance and gone over our homework from the night before he picked up a big stack of papers and announced it was time for him to hand back the tests. As he walked around the room I felt my leg start to bounce underneath the desk. I tried to talk myself out of it. I tried to tell myself I didn't care. It didn't matter if I passed because I was dropping out in less than five months anyway.

But still, I bounced my leg.

When Mr. Lenson finally got to me. He placed my test upside down on my desk. I took a deep breath in through my nose and out my mouth. I let my finger brush against the white paper before I took the edge of the test and flipped it over and circled at the top in a dark blue pen was an A-.

I had never gotten a B before let alone an A. Back in Philly the only reason I passed my classes was because I wasn't the only one who didn't care. My entire school didn't care about their grades. The only way our teachers kept their jobs was by giving everyone's Cs.

The widest smile crossed my face, a real one too. I couldn't stop smiling. I passed my test. I had actually passed my test. I had gotten an A and I had deserved it. My eyes traveled to the corner of the page where Mr. Lenson had written me a note.

Great job, Sierra! One of the best grades in the class. Keep up the good work!

I smiled even harder.

Throughout the rest of the day I couldn't wait to go to tutoring and tell Sam my grade. I drummed my fingers against the desk during my last period, staring at the clock, just waiting for the bell to ring. When it finally did I jumped out of my seat and practically ran to the library.

Despite how fast I was, Sam was already there waiting for me when I got to the library. Sam stood up as he saw me approaching him, a small smile etched onto his lips. "Well?" He asked when I got to our table and set down my bag.

"What?" I asked, trying to hold back my smile.

"Did you pass?"

I bit down on my bottom lip, before slowly nodding my head. "I got an A-."

"Yes!" Sam cheered, grinning from ear to ear. All the sudden he leaned forward, wrapping his arms around me and engulfing me in a tight hug. He lifted me off my feet and a giggle left my lips. He set me back down on the ground and pulled back, but he didn't let go of my arms. "That's amazing, Sierra! I'm so proud of you!"

Sam's words made me want to cry. No one besides Amber ever said they were proud of me.

I swallowed the lump and my throat and smiled back at Sam. Allowing myself to celebrate with him.

"You know what?" He asked. 

"What?"

"Let's skip tutoring today and get some ice cream. We need to celebrate."

Again I smiled at him. I couldn't stop smiling.

"Yeah, that sounds fun." I nodded and Sam looked so happy that I agreed.

We both picked up our bags and headed to his car. This time the ride was silent but it wasn't awkward. Neither of us were uncomfortable.

Sam pulled into the parking lot the same diner he had taken me to over a week before. We sat down in a booth in the back and waited for the waiter to come and ask for our order. "What are you going to get?" Sam asked, setting down his menu.

"Probably the raspberry ice cream sundae." I said, like it was normal. Like I got ice cream here all the time. "What about you?"

"Defiantly the banana split."

I scrunched my nose. "I hate bananas."

"What?" Sam exclaimed, shocked. "Bananas are the best. When I was a kid I ate so many bananas that my mom would use them to get me to do things. Like if I took the trash I would get a banana."

I laughed. "You let her bribe you with bananas?"

"Yep and it worked great."

I shook my head. "Bribery only worked on me if I got frozen yogurt. I hated school and would only go if Am-" I stopped myself before my sister's name slipped from my mouth. I felt the smile fall from my face and I looked down at my fingers. "if...if someone got me froyo."

"I love froyo too. Sucks that you have to drive forty-five minuted to get it here."

I nodded but didn't say anything. I might cry if I started talking. The waitress came to ask us for our orders and when I opened my mouth to say what I wanted I had to swallow down the lump in my throat.

"You okay, Sierra?"

"I'm fine." I said my voice hard. I shake my head trying to shake out the thoughts of Amber and when our sundaes arrive I've mostly recovered.

"This is soooo good." Sam said, a mouthful of ice cream in his mouth. I let myself laugh at him as I take a bite of my own sundae. It was really good though and I practically inhaled it. My phone dings as Sam is taking his last bite. I pulled my phone out to see I got a text from Alex.

Alex - Big party at my house tonight, you coming?

"Is that your dad?" Sam asked and I can already see the wheels in his head turning.

"No, it's a friend of mine. He's having a party tonight. You should come." As bad as it sounded I was only inviting Sam because I needed a ride. I didn't have a car and Dad would never let me use his without knowing exactly where I was going and I had a feeling if he saw where I was going he'd have a stroke. "Sure." He said. "When do you want me to pick you up?"

"Eight is good." I said before responding to Alex.

Sierra - I'll be there. 

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