Life Without You

35

"My brain knew, but my heart just wasn't ready." 

* * *

Amber giggled. It was melodic and beautiful. She threw head back and held onto her stomach. I smiled, I loved making Amber laugh.

I threw Mom's long scarf around my neck, popped my hip and walked out of the closet like I was a model on a catwalk. I stumbled in the silver sparkly heels I had found but I walked it off like nothing had happened. When I got to the foot of the bed where Amber was seated I pulled the sunglasses I had on off my face dramatically and winked at her.

Amber hopped off the bed and hurried to Mom's closet. She closed the door and I climbed up on the bed while I waited for her. When she came out she was wearing a dress that reached her ankles even with Mom's heeled boots on. Amber had put on a straw hat with a blue ribbon that matches the color of the cardigan she had put over the dress. Amber flipped her hair over her shoulder giving me a kissy face. When she tried to take a step forward she tripped over the bottom of the dress. She fell on her butt with an "oof".

After a moment of silence we locked eyes and both started hysterically laughing. I grabbed my stomach and rolled onto my back. Tears filled my eyes and-

I was woken up by a beeping sound. I found it annoying. Like the sound of a fly buzzing near your ear. I waited for it to stop but it just continued going. I tried to open my eyes to see where the sound was coming from but my eyelids felt so heavy and it took me a few tries to fully get them open.

I realized as I opened my eyes that I was in a hospital room and the beeping was coming from the machines beside my bed. Everything was white. White walls. White sheets. Even the hospital gown they had put me in was white.

I looked to my right where two chairs were lined up against the wall. Dad sat in one of them. His elbows were resting in his knees and he was holding his head in his hands.

"Dad." My voice came out hoarse and I was suddenly aware of how scratchy my throat was.

Dad's head snapped up, his eyes immediately meeting mine. "Sierra." He breathed. "You're awake."

The memories of what had happened filtered through in my brain, the pieces connecting.

Aaron had shot me.

I remembered thinking I was going to die.

I looked over at my shoulder as I recalled where I had been shot. I was all bandaged up and I couldn't move my arm. I couldn't feel any pain and I assumed it was because I was on a lot of drugs at the moment.

"How are you feeling? Do you need anything?"

"Can I have some water?" I managed to get out. My mind was spinning. I had shot Aaron. Was he alive? Was I a murderer?

All of a sudden I started crying. I couldn't help it. All the emotions that I had been holding inside for months came pouring out of me. My body shook with sobs and when Dad turned back around with my water in his hands his eyes widened at the sight of me.

Dad placed my water down as he hurried to my side. "What's wrong? Are you in pain?"

The answer was yes but I had a feeling he was talking about physical pain. All the pain I felt was on the inside.

"Is Aaron dead?" I asked, speaking through my tears. I wasn't sure what I wanted the answer to be. Did it make me a bad person if I wanted him gone?

"I don't know." He said softly. "He's still in surgery."

I tried to stop crying but I just couldn't. My breathing was short and fast, making my already dizzy head even dizzier.

"Sierra, take a deep breath. You need to calm down or you'll make yourself pass out." Dad squeezed my uninjured arm as he helped me even out my breathing. When I finally calmed down Dad lowered himself so he was at my level. "No matter what happens to Aaron it is not your fault. You were protecting yourself. Do you hear me Sierra? Do not blame yourself for this."

"Okay." I nodded.

"I should have been there." Dad shook his head and I had a feeling he was talking more to himself than he was me. "This never would have happened if I was home."

"It's a lot bigger than that, Dad. He would have just waited for a different time when I was alone. He's been harassing me for a while."

Dad looked pained when he heard my words. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because if I didn't say anything I could pretend it wasn't happening." I said and that was the truth. I knew I should tell someone but I didn't because I didn't want to have to face the reality of the situation. I wanted the easy way out but all it did was make everything worse. "I'm sorry, Dad."

"No, don't be sorry. He should be sorry. He's the one who tried to kill you." There were tears in Dad's eyes and I could tell he'd been scared out of his mind for me.

Someone knocked on the door and Dad told them to come in. A doctor walked in. He was tall and skinny. He wore a white lab coat and held a clipboard at his side. "Hi Sierra," he smiled, his teeth white and bright. "My name is Doctor Allen. I'm glad you're up, how are you feeling?"

"I'm okay." I said softly.

He nodded, his eyes filled with pity. "In a few minutes we'll run a few tests to make sure everything is good. There are also some people who would like to talk to you about what happened but that can wait until after the tests. Until then just relax."

I nodded and Dad smiled at Doctor Allen. "Thank you." Dad said gratefully. After the doctor left Dad suggested I get some sleep. He informed me that there were some things we needed to talk about but they could wait and I was glad that he had said that because after all that crying plus all the drugs in my system I was extremely exhausted. The moment I closed my eyes I fell into a deep sleep. 

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