Life Without You

16

"I pretend I don't care, but it's tearing me apart."

* * *

I'd been laying in my bed for the past hour wide awake. I had a pounding headache and I couldn't tell if it was because I was hungover or because I couldn't stop thinking about Aaron.

Probably both.

I could still picture Aaron's apartment. The one I had lived in for an entire year. When Amber and I first moved in, Aaron was really nice. He made dinner for us every night and whenever we went out he'd say, "look at my beautiful girls," and wrap his arm around Amber, giving her a kiss. I had thought, 'wow, we really got lucky' because Amber had met a nice guy with a job and a house. I had thought that maybe things would finally start looking up for us. But then one night Aaron's friends came over and a whole new side of Aaron showed up and this side stayed.

It started to become clear that Aaron was just like my alcoholic father except he was worse.

Amber didn't tell me when Aaron started hitting her. She didn't like to talk about the things that hurt her. Like not knowing who her father was. Like my dad leaving us. Like our mother disappearing all the time. Like her death.

Amber had always been able to keep it inside, like it didn't bother her. I used to be jealous of that. Her ability to be calm in the worst situations. But I'm not sure if I should be anymore. Because I think things could have been different if she had told me.

It didn't take me long to realize what had been happening. All the sudden she was wearing concealer that was two shades lighter than her actual skin. Dressing in long sleeve shirts instead of tank tops like she usually did. It was so obvious that it would have been comical if it was not for the situation. I thought about telling her that I knew. I wanted to but I knew she would hate me if I did. Amber liked talking about moving to California and living in a beach house, not talking about feelings or pain.

    Plus, I had already confronted her about Aaron not being a good person. Amber could hide the bruises but she couldn't hide the constant yelling and drinking. That was obvious. I told her we should leave. I told her Aaron was bad news but she didn't listen to me.

    "Aaron is a good guy, Sierra." She had said. "He just loses his temper sometimes."

    Before, I would have blamed my parents for allowing her to think this way. Mom had always said that about my father before he left us. But Dad had never hit Mom. Not once.

Aaron hit Amber all the time.

I heard my phone ring with a text message but I ignored it. Instead I rolled over to make sure Sam was still there. He was laying on the ground, the comforter I had given to him tangled around his legs. His brown hair was pointing in all different directions and the sun that bled through my curtains made the faint freckles on his cheeks more noticeable. He had taken his shirt and jeans off and was sleeping in just his boxers. Sam was fit to say the least. His abs were only halfway covered by the blanket but it was obvious he had a six-pack. His arms were stretched out and you could tell the majority of his biceps were muscles.

I thought about what would happen when Sam woke up. I knew he would have to go home. Then he'd leave me here. I didn't know if my father had come home yet but I assumed he hadn't because he'd yet to knock on my door and ask if I wanted to come down for breakfast. I didn't like the thought of being alone after seeing Aaron last night. I could still hear his voice in my head.

"I've been looking for you, you little bitch"

"I'm going to make you pay for what you did"