Life Without You

30 - Sam

"I thought I was healing but the truth is, I just stopped feeling."

* * *

We weren't allowed to have our phones at family dinner. It was a dumb rule and I hated it. How would I know if Alex called me if I couldn't look at my phone for a whole hour and a half. My leg bounced underneath the table as I impatiently waited for everyone to finish their food.

I had finished eating twenty minutes ago.

Abby kept sending me concerned looks across the table. Are you okay? She mouthed to me.

I nodded because I knew I was probably just stressing over nothing. The chances of Alex suddenly having contact with Aaron were low, but the thought of him calling me and me missing it was making me crazy.

"Is the pasta good? I tried a new recipe." Mom asked as she added more parmesan cheese to her pasta. My mom was Italian and she loved to try and remake things her immigrant mother used to make her when she was a kid.

"It's delicious, honey." Richard smiled. "Definitely your best one, yet." I was sure that Richard loved my mother. Like how she was supposed to be loved. He was a really good guy.

"Thanks, sweetheart. I'm glad you liked it."

Mom and Richard and Abby continued to talk but I only joined in when a question was directed toward me. I was too distracted by my racing mind to really think about what they were saying.

Finally we were excused from the table and I jumped to my feet, hurrying to the kitchen where our phones were stacked on the counter. I didn't understand why, but I had a bad feeling in my gut when I picked up the phone. Like something horrible was about to happen.

There were no missed calls from Alex

But there was one from Sierra.

Immediately my heart began to race. Something bad had happened, I could feel it in every part of my body.

I scrambled to listen to the voicemail she had left me. My hand shook as I brought the phone up to my ear.

"Hi, Sam." her voice sounded calm but scary at the same time. "I've been thinking about it a lot and...I can't do this anymore, I don't belong here." My feet were moving before she could even get her whole sentence out.

I kept my phone to my ear as I desperately searched for my car keys. "I just wanted you to know that I know you tried. You are honestly the only good thing that has happened to me in months. But I'm not saveable, Sam." Her voice cracked and there was a pause before she continued. "God, this is a lot harder than I thought it was going to be."

I stopped. My body froze.

Tell me you changed your mind, Sierra. Tell me you're not gonna do this.

"I'm just so tired."

I squeezed my eyes shut to keep the tears that were threatening to spill away.

"I'm sorry, Sam."

And then the line cut.

And she was gone.

I called her back. The phone rang as I looked for my keys. I couldn't find them anywhere and I needed to leave. I needed to go find her.

I opened the drawer where sometimes my mother would put everyone's stuff to keep it out of the way but when I looked inside they weren't there.

And Sierra hadn't answer the phone.

"Fuck!" I cursed.

I spun on my heels and when I did Abby stood there her eyes wide. "Woah. What's going on?"

"I can't find my keys." I hissed

"Well there's no reason to have fit about it. I'm sure they're around here somewhere."

"No! I need my keys right now."

"Sam, what's wrong?"

"Sierra called during dinner. She left me a voicemail."

"And?"

"I think she's going to hurt herself."

"Are you sure?"

"I need my keys."

Abby nodded and we both went off into different directions looking for my car keys. After a few minutes of searching Abby jumped up from where she was crawling on the floor, my keys dangling in her hands. "I found them."

Abby kept calling and calling Sierra as I drove faster than anyone should ever drive in Boston. I was trying my best to stay calm but all I could think about was seeing Sierra's lifeless body.

I couldn't lose her.

I barely put the car in park before I was running up her driveway and over to the front door, Abby right behind me. I banged on the door multiple times but nobody answered.

"Are you sure she's even in there?"

"I don't even know if she's alive, Abby!"

Abby put a hand over her mouth and her body started to shake violently with sobs.

I grabbed Abby's hand and squeezed. "We're going to find her."

Abby nodded her head but I knew she wasn't sure.

Neither was I.

"I'm gonna call her again." She said.

My mind was racing trying to figure out what to do next when I was interrupted by a phone.

Sierra's phone.

Abby and I both turned to see Sierra's phone sitting on the ground. Which meant she had left the house to call me. Which meant she had been going somewhere.

Sierra wasn't in the house.

She was somewhere else.

And I was pretty sure I knew where.

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