Life Without You

5 - Sam

"You've become so damaged that when someone wants to give you what you deserve you have no idea how to respond." 

* * *

There was something off about Sierra. It was the way she seemed perfectly happy as she giggled in the library all drunk, but then her hands would start shaking out of nowhere. Or there would be a fear in her voice as she spoke. Not to mention the sadness that seemed to permanently sit in her brown eyes.

Sierra hadn't spoken once since we had arrived at the diner. I even had to order for her because when the waiter asked what she wanted all she did was shrug. It was obvious that the alcohol in her system was starting to pass and I was beginning to get a look at the sober Sierra.

And she didn't seem okay at all.

Sierra pushed the fries around on her plate, not eating a single one. "You need to eat." I told her.

"I am eating." She lifted her first fry to her mouth and took a bite. "See?" She said, sarcastically as she rolled her eyes at me.

"You know, you're a lot nicer when you're drunk."

She didn't say anything to that, seeming to have gotten lost in her mind again. I had noticed in the five minute car ride and the twenty minutes we had been sitting in the diner that Sierra was very closed off. She didn't talk to me. She barely looked at me. Her mood shift from being drunk to sober was so drastic it made me think she barely lived when she wasn't drinking. Just existed.

The only word I could think of to describe Sierra was sad. Which scared me. My mother was a therapist. I knew the signs of depression before I knew basic multiplication and so far Sierra was showing a lot of them. She looked exhausted. There were bags under her eyes and her body sagged like she was holding the weight of the world on her shoulders. She kept getting distracted by her thoughts, like they controlled her. Just like how moments ago I'd gotten her to speak and now it was like she had forgotten we were even talking. She looked underweight too and I wouldn't be as worried if she was actually eating at the moment but she wasn't.

"Hey, Sierra, are you okay?"

She looked caught off guard by the question as she raised her eyes to mine. "Why?" Her eyes narrowed at me like she was trying to figure out if I was a bad person or not.

"You just seem off. If you need help, you can talk to me."

"How would you know if I seem off, we just met?" She was getting defensive so I decided to back down.

"You're right. I wouldn't know." I did know. You could see it on her face, it was so painfully obvious. But if I wanted to help her, I would have to do it her way. "Anyway, we should probably head back to school now. Are you ready?"

She nodded and I paid the check before taking her back to my car. After another silent five minute drive I parked outside the school. I lifted the bag of leftovers and handed it to her. "Eat this." I said. "You don't have to do it now, but please just eat some of it." I was pleading with her, we both knew it. But I hoped she would at least eat some of it.

"Fine." She said and took the bag from my hand.

"I'll see you tomorrow, okay?" I said but the only response I got in return was the slamming of the car door behind her.

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