Life Without You

2

"We shouldn't be this kind of tired at our age."

* * *

My hands were shaking. I stuffed them in my pockets so I wasn't tempted to watch them. I told myself it was because it was cold. I told myself it was because my father was an idiot and instead of leaving us in Philly for hot LA he had moved to freezing cold Boston.

I told myself it was for any other reason than being anxious.

Something I loved the most about my sister was her confidence. I don't think I will ever meet someone more confident she was her. She'd dance down the aisles in Target. She'd talk to any boy that she found attractive. She'd sing her lungs out in the car with the windows down in the middle of a parking lot because, "It just felt like that kind of moment." But I think the most admirable thing about her confidence wasn't everything she could do, it was just the way she carried herself. Like she knew how amazing she was and she wasn't afraid to show it.

I wondered when that changed.

I wish I could be half as confident as Amber was, especially in this moment as my father pulled into the school parking lot.

Lexington High School. On the ride over my father had told me everything he knew about it. Apparently it was in the top 100 public schools in Massachusetts. It was in the top 300 schools in the nation. The majority of the teachers were graduates of Ivy League schools. It was the best place for me to get back on track for college.

When he had said that last part I had wanted to laugh. College? I was never going to college.

We walked up to the school and my father held the door open for me as we walked inside. As I entered, I felt stunned. The foyer was a large open area with a high ceiling that caused the sound of your footsteps to echo off of the walls. The walls were painted with inspirational sayings, all in the school's colors. In the middle of the tiled floor was the LHS logo. It was obvious this school was made of money.

I assumed the first bell had already rung because the halls were empty and silent. The only person I could see was the middle aged woman standing in the middle of the foyer. She was an Asian woman with short black hair and a tight lipped smile. She wore a navy blue blazer and mini skirt that made her look extremely professional. Like she should be working at an accounting office instead of being a school principal.

"You must be Sierra!" She said too happily. "And you must be her father! It's great to finally meet the two of you!" She sounded so fake. Each sentence she spoke was exclaimed too excitedly.

"It's great to meet you too." My father stuck his hand out for her to shake it and she did.

"Follow me." She said after all the greetings were over and we followed her through a door that read "Main Office" above it. We walked past the front desk and down a long hallway. We stopped at the end of the hall and she opened the door to the right. Inside was her office, a small rectangular room with a desk and three chairs. One chair on one side of the desk and two on the other side. Her desk was practically empty except for a stack of papers and a plaque that read "Principal Wong"

"Please, take a seat." She said, gesturing to the two chairs before sitting down in her own. After she got herself situated and my father and I had taken a seat she pulled a folder from a drawer and set it in front of her before looking right at me. "So, I was looking at your file, Sierra." Just hearing those words I started to zone out. I already knew what she was going to say so what was the point in listening? "Right now, you haven't passed enough classes to be able to graduate." There it was. Exactly what I thought she was gonna say. "But I think if you work really hard this year you can graduate with the rest of your class in May." I wanted to tell her that I wouldn't be here in May.

"That's great news!" My father said excitedly, like he cared. I knew he didn't.

I stretched my legs out underneath the desk and picked at a hangnail on my finger as they spoke. I didn't care about what they were saying. I didn't care about graduating. I didn't care about anything.

"Okay, great!" I heard Principal Wong say, causing me to come back to reality. "Sierra will start tutoring tomorrow to help her get back on track." 

Wait. What?

Tutoring? No. I was not getting a tutor. Spending extra hours on school sounded like a nightmare. I already didn't want to be here. Plus, even though my father didn't know this, it was pointless and a waste of money to get a tutor. I'd be gone soon enough.

"I don't need a tutor." I said. "Just because I haven't gone to school a lot doesn't mean I'm not smart enough for it."

"Of course not." Principal Wong said. "I just think it would help you learn everything you may have missed while you were...out."

I looked over at my dad. "I don't need a tutor." I said again in case he hadn't understood the first time.

"This is good for you, Sierra." He wasn't looking at me, he was staring at my file that was laying open on the desk. "Don't you want to graduate high school with everyone else?"

No. I shrugged.

This time he turned and looked at me. "This is your future, Sierra. Why don't you care?"

I wanted to scream at him. I wanted to tell him he was crazy for thinking there was anything for me past this. Every time I looked into my future all it did was make my chest tighten. I wanted to tell him that I didn't care because nothing mattered anymore.

But I didn't have the energy to do that so I said, "Fine." and went back to picking at my hangnail.

The next few minutes consisted of Principal Wong handing me my class schedule and letting me know all the details about my tutor. Though all I had heard from her speech was to meet them in the library after school. She said she'd check in on us there. I wondered if she only added that part so I wouldn't just skip it.

My father got up from his chair saying something about how it was time for him to get to work. He didn't give me a hug or kiss me on the forehead goodbye. He didn't tell me he loved me or wish me good luck on my first day. Instead he made sure I knew he would be picking me up after school before he walked out the office and left me.

Again.

Comment and vote :)