The Final Choice

61

I spent the better part of two hours inside that room, going over everything that Will had said and done over the past couple of years. I made sure to tell them that the only reason I finally came to them, was because he threatened my family. I forwarded the texts to Officer Raven, so they would have them, if needed. 

Since some of the threats were over the phone, I had to write a statement about what was said. "I don't know word for word," I murmured, staring at the paper in front of me. "My memory...I tend to block things out. Um, it's a coping thing." "That's okay," Officer Raven replied, soothingly, as she patted the top of my hand. Some may have found the act condescending, but I only found comfort in it. "Just write whatever you remember. It doesn't need to be word for word."

I nodded and put the tip of my pen to the paper. I wrote down everything that I could recall, adding in my own emotions and the way Will made me feel in that moment. I could remember the feelings. 

After everything was completed, Colby and I walked out of the police station, hand in hand. The cops had informed me that it could take up to 24 hours for the restraining order to be completely process. After that, it usually only took a few hours before it is delivered to the recipient. I was lost in thought, as we made our way towards the car. 

Was I making things worse by doing this? How was Will going to react? Would this just make him act a lot sooner? Or, maybe it would quell his actions somewhat. I didn't believe that, though. If I knew him at all, and I did, this would only piss him off even more. He was unpredictable when he got extremely angry. Scary unpredictable, because he didn't care about anyone, including himself. 

Colby opened the car door for me, and I slid inside, chewing my bottom lip. My stomach rolled when I thought about what Kelly was going to have to put up with. What would he do to her? I knew it was her choice to be with him, to marry him, but the other choice isn't always so clear. A trauma bond was a very real thing. 

I knew from experience. It didn't matter that he had hurt me, put bruises on me, cheated on me, or spoke to me like I was the scum of the Earth. None of that mattered, because I had felt like I NEEDED him in my life. It was too scary to be without him. I was convinced that no one else would want me and I didn't want to be alone. Plus, I loved him. It may have been the most toxic love in history, but it was love. 

He never made me comfortable in his ability to depend on him, yet I still did. I craved his praise and the sweet words that he would say to me. I wanted him to be happy, so that I could be happy. It was my life for a very long time, and I knew those demons. I could deal with those demons. The rest of the world, I didn't know if I could deal with, at the time.

Now, I knew that I could. I was strong enough to go it alone, even if I didn't want too. As much as I loved Colby, there was still that piece of myself that I would always hold back from him. That small piece that I held close to my chest, hidden from the rest of the world. I didn't truly know who I was, but she was inside that small piece. I would never hand that piece of myself to anyone, ever again. She was mine and mine alone. 

"Callie?" I heard Colby say my name, bringing me out of my thoughts. "Hmm?" I hummed, as I turned to look out the window. I didn't want to talk about any of it right then and I didn't know if I was okay. I knew that was what he was going to ask me. It's what he always asked me, like he was afraid I was going to crack and break into a million pieces. 

I sometimes wished that I had never fallen apart on him a couple of years ago, outside that motel room. I felt like he would always see me as this broken person, barely held together with so much duct tape. I didn't want that. I didn't want to be someone that he constantly felt like he had to take care of. So far, that's all our relationship had been.