The Final Choice

12

"See, it wasn't that bad, was it?" Denise asked me, as gathered our things and got off the plane. "It was, but it wasn't," I laughed.

When the plane first took off, my anxiety had started a party in my chest, squeezing my lungs so tightly, I thought that I would literally suffocate and die. Denise had kept her hand on my arm, while I squeezed the armrest so hard, my nails left indents. "It's gonna be okay, Cal. Just breathe. In for 4, hold for 5, out for 6," she whispered calmly, before she started breathing with me.

It took a minute, that felt like it lasted for hours, but my breath finally escaped my chest in a painful gasp. When I started counting with her inside my head and paying attention to the feeling of the seat and the smell in the air, my heart decided to slow down and not kill me.

I was never fully relaxed the entire trip, but at least I wasn't freaking out. I was so grateful to be on solid ground that I could've dropped to the ground and kissed it.

"I think you did pretty well, though," Denise said, with a little giggle. "Seriously. You didn't pass out or throw up. I really thought you would do at least one of those things."

"Maybe on the trip home," I joked, as my eyes scanned the huge area for Colby. I didn't know if he was going to be alone or with Sam, but I knew he was supposed to meet me here.

"I doubt it," she replied. "You'll be a pro at flying before you know it. You can tell Colby that you can fly out any time he wants you." "Sure," I agreed, only half listening. Then, her words clicked inside my head.

"Wait, what?" I asked, stopping short and bringing my eyes to hers, which were dancing with laughter. "Yeah, thought that would get your attention," she laughed. "Why can't you just admit that you love the man? Or, at the very least, you wanna fuck him?"

My mouth dropped open at her crass words. "Oh my God, do you have to be so crude?!" I exclaimed, but I couldn't stop the blush that flamed up on my face. "Facts are facts, babe. You want that man, and you know it. Anyone that sees you talk to him, knows it. He wants you too, though. If you could just get over whatever it is that's stopping you, you might have a little 'extra fun' on this trip. If you get my drift," she replied.

"It's not like that," I sighed. "Yes, he's attractive, but-" "Attractive?!" she exclaimed, raising her eyebrows at me. "That man is HOT A F!" "Okay, okay, he's hot, but I would never just use him for sex. Even if I were able to even have sex with anyone, I wouldn't do that to him," I replied, a little sadly.

It wasn't that I wanted to use Colby for sex. I would NEVER do that. I was bothered by the fact that I was still unable to make myself have sex with anyone. It was actually kind of ridiculous. Other girls could just go out and do whoever they wanted to. Not me. No, I had to have a stupid moral conscious that wouldn't let me have 'no strings attached' relations. Stupid fucking morals.

If I were being honest, it wasn't just my morals that was stopping me though. It was my shyness, my past trauma, and my fear. No one had ever seen me naked besides Will. What if the next guy saw me and was just disgusted? Or, what if something he did triggered me into freaking out in the middle of it? No, I wasn't ready for that. I probably never would be.

I was going to be a fucking Nun for the rest of my life.

"I know you wouldn't," Denise sighed, defeated. "But, it wouldn't be a meaningless roll in the hay with him. You love him. Whether it's a romantic love or something else, it would still mean something. Something to think about. Anyway, he's standing right over there."

"HUH?" I asked, my eyes shooting to where she was pointing.

There he was. About 50 feet away, on the other side of the area. Standing with Sam and a beautiful brunette, who I recognized as Katrina, Sam's girlfriend. I barely saw them though. I only saw him. His dark hair slightly over his blue eyes, which seemed to shine, even in the harsh lights of the airport.