Missing - JJ Maybank

Betrayal.

My eyes have been set on the windows in Matias room watching the clouds, my legs are tangled with Rafe's since he's on watch crazy Kaila duty, love that for me. My fingers have been playing with the hair on the back of his head while he rubs my back, neither of us have said anything since I woke up and saw JJ and Matias were gone, though he had told me they had things to do today, then silence fell over us since I've been mute lately.

My thoughts go through a few different things each day, one being the cross still hasn't arrived, Ward supposedly postponed sending it after hearing I was missing again and then spiraling since I've been back. I've also been planning out how to lure Andrei into my trap and not let anyone else get hurt in the process and then of course my health issues plague my mind since I'm clearly getting worse.

I'm not naive enough to miss the fact that I'm worse when I'm stressed, but even then, there's times when I'm doing good and I still end up forgetting who I am, and now my nose bleeds when I fall into these amnesia spells, when I wake up from my seizure my head pounds like no other, making me hate life until I start to feel like me again, then the process repeats itself.

I don't know if this is worse than seeing JJ as Maceo or not, but it sucks either way, since these spells last longer sometimes, though there's times I can start to remember details during the whole things so that helps. I'm sure JJ enjoys only being himself and not my dead husband, but at the expense of me forgetting who he is entirely doesn't seem like a fair trade off.

My arms tighten around Rafe when tears spill from my eyes after flashbacks of that stupid pent house hit me. My level breathing turns to huffs since I'm trying my hardest to hold it all in, to be brave and strong so that everyone thinks I'll be okay.

"Kaily.." He trails off, tears spilling from his own eyes when he shuffles to see my face.

"I'm okay, Rafey." I move down until I'm cuddled into his chest, "I'm just.. I'm.."

"Kaila, everything you've been through, it's not fair. I wish you didn't have to always be in danger and getting hurt." His hands rest on either side of my head, pulling me away from him slightly, "You deserve so much more than what life has given you so far. And I'm sorry for that."

A strained laugh ripples out of me, "Yeah the person writing my story must really like putting me through pain to see what I can handle."

He laughs with me, "You really think we're just characters in someone's story?"

"That would make life pretty interesting. Wondering what our author wants us to do next, what adventure we will go on next." My eyes light up while we talk about one of my passions, "I always think of life this way anyways."

"Do you still write?" His smile reaches his eyes when he notices my excitement.

"Yeah a little bit. Remember I started a story over the summer?"

"What's it about?"

"I'm writing my life as if it was a fictional story, like the things that have happened over the past two and a half years."

He chuckles, "Your life definitely makes for an interesting story."

"Treasure hunting, love, friendship, betrayal, lost love, kidnappings, action and death. It definitely makes for a good story." My lips part when I sigh, "It's unreal how much shit I've been through and done in such a short amount of time but it's enough to make a whole series of books out of."

"I'm sorry this is how things turned out, I wish I never told you to go to Barbados." He mumbles against my hair when he kisses my head.

I cuddle into his chest again, letting him run his hands through my hair, "Then I never would have met Matias and had Raeni, so don't make it a total negative thing, there's plenty of good moments wrapped into the bad. I met Tianna and then introduced her to you and now y'all are happily in love, I have my business in Barbados and money in the bank to live a comfortable life off of. I'm thankful for those things."