Missing - JJ Maybank

On my Mind.

JJs POV

My heart is in the hands of a girl who disappeared two years ago. My Princess, Kaila B Routledge. Today is her birthday, but no one really feels like celebrating. Today she would turn 19 with her twin brother, John B. I feel sad for my best friend while he blows the candles out on his cake alone for the second year now, she would have loved this, its her favorite; red velvet with cream cheese frosting. Fuck, I can't think about her, or I'll cry, who am I kidding, she's always on my mind. It's my fault she's gone, and everyone knows it, the truth came out after she was gone. If I had just owned up to my feelings for her instead of being scared of love, then she'd be here right now. She'd be with me, with her family, and her friends.

She thinks I used her.

But that's far from the truth. I fucked up, but I didn't use her. I didn't want her just for sex. I didn't take her virginity as some weird flex. I wanted her; all of her. And then I got stuck in my head, I feared falling in love with someone as pure as her because I'm the opposite, I thought I would ruin the good in her, so I broke her instead. I felt like I had nothing to give back to her, I come from an abusive father and absent mother, and so it wasn't intentional. I never planned to hurt her, I never meant to make the decisions I did until I was in too deep.

Quite literally deep inside another girl... in my Princess' bed.

The look on her face when she caught me with someone else broke me. We weren't official, but she had told me she loved me, I hadn't told her I loved her back yet but she trusted me with her heart, she trusted me enough to let me be her first time. When she left, she thought I didn't feel the same. I regret holding back, I regret using another girl as a distraction from my feelings for her, I regret not speaking up when our friends and her brother argued with her about how shitty she was, because she wasn't shitty. She was depressed and felt alone.

Fuck, I contributed to that feeling.

After I broke her heart she fell into a deep depression, and I couldn't help her anymore. She shut me out. And let her best friend, Rafe Cameron, into her head. Which started her drug addiction, the wild partying, and then she was gone. Disappeared. Missing. No where but everywhere, since her missing person flyers still blow in the wind around the island with her face on them. Reminding me of my mistakes and of my now empty heart.

"Earth to JJ." John B waves his hand in front of my eyes, gaining my attention, "Anyone in there?"

Shit, I always get lost in thought now.

"Yeah yeah, sorry." I rub my face and sigh, "I'm tired today."

"I figured we could go fishing later, but I want to watch the international surf comp first, it starts here soon."

We always talked about competing but we never had the money to enter any competitions nearby, and it reminded us of Kaila, she would be the first to compete if anyone did.

"Yeah man, its your birthday, whatever you wanna do." I watch him jump up from sitting at the table to head to the living room, "Where's the competition this time?"

He drops down on the couch and clicks the TV on, "Barbados."

I nod and sit myself next to him.

"Oh how Id love to visit Barbados." Kie chimes from the hallway, her eyes find me and soften so I look away and focus on the TV, "One day I'll go there."

"The beaches are pretty amazing there," Pope sits in the arm chair near the couch, "white sand and the waves are perfect for surfing."

"Yo, hold on. Look," I could swear I recognize the girl in the background on the screen, "turn up the volume."