Pleas of Futility

Apology Not Accepted

August 26, 2023 2:45am-2:53am

I'm sorry.

For every time I overshared or undershared. For every time that I was either too much or not enough. For every single time you've wished "oh my god can this kid just shut up" and every time you wished I opened up more.

I'm sorry for every time I couldn't live up to your expectations, and for every time I exceeded them.

I'm sorry for every time that I wasn't myself, and you could tell, and for every time that I was too true to myself.

I'm sorry that I'm such a screwup. I'm sorry that I'm so perfect. I'm sorry that I'm emotional. Sorry that I'm not emotional enough.

I'm sorry that I'm a handful. I'm sorry that I'm a challenge. I'm sorry that I'm messy and complicated, and that I care too much. And I'm sorry that I never care enough, never do enough. Never measure up.

I'm sorry that I don't belong. That I can't fit in.

I'm sorry that you know I exist.