Pleas of Futility

Waiting To Break Free

July 23, 2022 12:53am - July 28, 2022 12:19pm
Another rant XD

Do you ever feel watched by someone no one else can see?  Like... no matter where you go there's these constant prying eyes, watching you—judging you? Your decisions; your thoughts; your hopes and your dreams, what keeps you up at night?

Well it's like you're on display, only a thousand times worse. And how can anyone help, how can anyone hear your cries? If the threat can't be identified at first glance, then your tears are fake, are they not? So push them down and ignore those cold rocks burrowing into yours. You can see them, but they can't. They see the flaws and push you towards perfection, but they cover the scars. Because the scars, they don't look as nice. The blue and purple and black paints that splatter your canvas leave too, buried deep underneath. They'll heal, they tell you. But they never do.

Back straight, chin up, they say. Be yourself, but don't do these things, even if it's half of who you are. Fit in, prove yourself, which one is it? So you choose the default. A different persona for each and every person who walks into your life. A different person for each social situation. This is your default. Change yourself so that you can be seen, but still feel so lonely—so invisible. So there are your options.

But you know what, that's still not enough for them. They want more. You're going to put on make up and ignore the sad eyes that no one else seems to recognize. The same ones that constantly haunt you, shadow over everything you take part in. Just like your face is masked up, dress your eyes in costume too. They are only the window to the soul so don't let people see what they truly hold.

The mirror cracks as you face off with it. Whether to look in or look past doesn't matter because you've just found the answer you've been seeking all along. The ghost of a presence, one so familiar, you could have sworn it used to exist. That someone, the one no one else could see? The stranger that even you couldn't recognize? It was a fraction of who you used to be.

So avoid those mirrors, and avoid the windows. The reflective surfaces that burden you and confine you to this life. This image is just a stranger to you. This image used to be you. Something worth so much has become invaluable. Something irreplaceable, gone. And now all it can ever be, is a prisoner, waiting to break free.