Genshin oneshots~

He's My Idiot [Kaveh x Alhaitham]

Note: WE'RE A FEW THOUSAND VIEWS AWAY FROM 20K, LETS GOOOO, tysm for all of your support and love<33, also there will be some swearing in here.

Alhaitham POV: 

"Goodbye, see you tomorrow" I give Sanad a brief wave before heading out of the Akademiya, I step out into the humid and misty evening air. The stalls are closing up, and the chatter dies down. I walk a couple of metres down the street until I reach my house, it was a small looking cottage, but it was cosy and spacious in the inside, thanks to Kaveh's design. I rummage through my pockets to find the key, ah here we go... I push the key inside the doorknob and turn it, *clack* I step through the door, "Kaveh! I'm home!" I remove my shoes and shut the door, "Kaveh? I said, I'm home!" I poke a head around his bedroom door, it was deserted. Where did he go...? Then it suddenly hit me, I smack my forehead and groan out loud. "The mf got drunk again..." I mutter quietly to myself, I quickly put my shoes back on and head towards Lambad's Tavern, I swing open the oak door, the aroma of alcohol and spices creep into my nostrils, my eyes dart around the tavern. I notice a small crowd consisting mostly of young females gathering in the far corner of the tavern, they looked captivated and clapped loudly, what was the fuss over there? I make my way over, "This one is for you ladies~" a familiar but drunk-sounding voice says, I stand on my tippy toes to see Kaveh wearing a revealing shirt with chest, hip, and back windows and tight black jeans with hip windows close to his ass, my face twisted into one of disgust, shock, and amusement. He chugs a huge cup of wine before tottering over to the centre of the crowd, "D-DJ... hit it!" an upbeat song starts playing, it has heavy drum beats and a catchy chorus, Kaveh begins moving his hips seductively and slowly, I could see the girls being drawn in, some were even drooling over him. I march right over, pushing my way through the crowd, I drag Kaveh to his feet, "Kaveh what the actual fuck..." I hiss, Kaveh starts punching me lightly and squirming in my grasp, "Ugh Haitham... I hate you I hate you I hate you... leave me aloneeee *hic* you're the worst..." I roll my eyes, I pick him up bridal style and quickly make my way out of the tavern. On the way back to the house, Kaveh begins to whimper like a little kid, *sigh* this was the third time this week, and by far the most severe. Moments later, I feel little kisses on my neck, "Kaveh stop kissing my neck" he shakes his head and keeps going, "..." thankfully I reach the door of the house in a few minutes, I open the door and place Kaveh in bed, tucking him in like his father would of done. "Good night Kaveh" I turn the light off and shut the door. I sit down on the couch, "Finally..." I was tired of dealing with the shit Kaveh stirs up daily. I pick up a book off the shelf, 'History of Ancient Runes & King Deshret' hm, my eyes skim across the pages absorbing the information and feasting my eyes on the images, when I look up again from my book, it was past 10PM. I slide the book back in the shelf and head to my room, I remove my coat and my sleeves, I take off my headphones and massage my ears gently, I change into a casual grey t-shirt and grey pants, I clamber into bed completely exhausted. 

The sun peeks through the blinds shining right onto my eyes, I grumble softly, stupid sun... I sit up and place my hands on the top of the door frame and lean forward, stretching my arms and back, I head to the bathroom to wash my face, various kinds of cosmetics were scattered all over the ground, from face powder, to concealer, to mascara... I look at them in confusion. "Kaveh are you cheating on m-" I swing open the bathroom to see him leaning over the sink applying mascara, "mmm~~" Kaveh hums to himself as he applies the mascara, then gently patting down some face powder and blush on his cheeks, "Oh my love!" Kaveh's eyes light up he comes over and traces his fingers across my jawline, "since when did you start using cosmetics?" I ask curiously, "hm? Oh a few weeks ago, I want to look my best" he turns back to apply transparent lipgloss, "ooookayyy..." I quickly wash my face in the sink and goes back to my room to get ready for the day. Moments later, Kaveh and I hit the streets heading towards the Palace of Alcazarzaray, "so... yesterday when I was at work there was this stupid scholar who couldn't even understand the basic infrastructure of the palace, he even said that it wasn't detailed enough and lacks colour, the fucking audacity! My design takes perseverance, determination, thought, and care! I even took the time to study the history of Sumeru and actually visited the attractions to gather more information and this is how I get treated! Can you believe it and the-" Kaveh keeps ranting his head off, until I interrupt him "Lamp post" I say pointing ahead, Kaveh scoffs, "how many times do I have to tell you to stop interrupting me? I'm trying to get something off my chest so if you could kindly shut u-" *CLANG* Kaveh crashes straight into a lamp post, he falls to his knees clutching his face, "I told you..." I said in a neutral tone pulling Kaveh to his feet, "if you hadn't interrupted me I would've seen the lamp post!" he complains shaking a fist at me, "yeah yeah sureeee... you would of most definitely see the lamp post" we eventually made our way to the Palace of Alcazarzaray, the beautiful flora emits vibrant hues as the fauna nestles comfortably amongst it. The water fountains create beautiful watery patterns as it provides a soothing sound to the ear, "That scholar was right, it is lacking in colours and detail..." I say glancing sideways at Kaveh, he instantly looks at me, "BITC-" I quickly clamp a palm on his mouth, "Calm down... it was merely a joke" his body relaxes, I pull him into a tight embrace. Kaveh presses his face into my chest while muttering, "stupid Haitham..." I chuckle and place gentle kisses on his hair. "Ooh, how are you two 'room mates' doing?" I look up to see Tighnari and Cyno walking towards us, without flinching I said, "how are you two 'close friends' doing?" Tighnari hands me a few bottles of medicine, "what does this do?" I ask, it was a transparent substance that bubbles gently, "this is ointment that treats sore muscles, only apply a little bit once daily, there are unknown side effects if an overdose occurs" Tighnari explains, I nod "Okay got it, Kaveh are you listening? The most likely one to use the product wrong is you" Kaveh lifts his head a little, "Mhm..." he says softly and buries his lips into my chest.

"Tighnari and I have prepared a small meal at that patio over there, would you like to join us?" Cyno asks pointing to the biggest patio, surely enough there was a long table with many chairs, trays of fresh fruit, Sumerian dishes, and wine were laid out over the table. "Absolutely, we're taking you up on the offer" Kaveh says excitedly, I could just tell his eyes were glued onto the wine. Tighnari chuckles and beckons us over, Kaveh intertwines his fingers with mine as the four of us make our way over to the patio, I pull out a chair for Kaveh, "Ohohoho~ what a gentleman..." Kaveh gives me a little smirk before sitting down, I pull out a chair and sit down beside him. Cyno pours wine into all the glasses before signalling it was okay to start eating, I give a polite nod before cutting myself some chicken and taking a few sips of the wine, mm... it's exquisite. I watch from the corner of my eye and Kaveh has already gulped down his glass of wine, he helps himself to pumpkin soup and biryani, the four of us enjoy a lovely meal, chatting and discussing the current matters. I pick up the wine bottle to refill my glass, it was empty, I look over at Kaveh and he is slumped onto the table snoring, he reeks of alcohol, "woah someone is drunk..." Tighnari says while biting into a potato, "*sigh* Then I'll take my leave, thank you and goodbye" I pick Kaveh up gently and piggy back him to the house. I set him down on the couch, I place the medicine on the kitchen table and I head off to my shift. A few hours later I come back to an eerily quiet house, "Kaveh? Are you awake yet?" I take off my shoes, cute little squeaking noises could be heard from the kitchen, from my memory Kaveh and I didn't own pets. A small fluffy rabbit with blonde fur with hints of dark brown sat on top of the kitchen table, huh? As I look closer, the rabbit had a feather on it's ear, that looks awfully like... my eyes widen as I frantically pick up the medicine bottles and shake it, as I feared, they were all empty. "KAVEH WHAT ON EARTH DID YOU DO TO YOURSELF?!" I pick up the rabbit gently and hold it close to my chest, it seems to recognise me, it nuzzles into my chest squeaking happily. "Oh you idiot..." I mutter to myself, I go to the nearest teleporting point and head to Gandharva Ville, I push open the door to Tighnari's hut, "TIGHNARI, LOOK!" I hold the rabbit towards him, "It's a rabbit" he says simply, "YES I KNOW IT'S A RABBIT, Kaveh used all the bottles of medcine you gave me and now he's transformed into this rabbit..." Tighnari's eyes widen as he gently takes the rabbit in his hands, he places the rabbit on his work desk and starts sprinkling different powders on it while infusing it with dendro energy, suddenly an explosion occurs, a flurry of leaves blast in our faces, as soon as the leaves stop, I open my eyes to see Kaveh back in human form except he still had rabbit ears and tail. "*sigh* almost..." Tighnari says fumbling for another potion, Kaveh looks at me pouts cutely, I gently stroke his ears, it was warm and soft... his love for me radiates from his body. 

Soon Tighnari comes back with a needle, and almost instantaneously Kaveh climbs me like a tree, perching on my shoulders, I wobble a little but quickly switch to a stable stance. "Okay I found a serum that can change him to a human entirely" I place Kaveh down on a nearby bench, "I'll give you a kiss if you do this" I say to Kaveh, caressing his hand gently with my thumb, his face lights up as he holds his breath, Tighnari quickly injects the serum into Kaveh's arm. Moments later, Kaveh's ears get smaller and smaller and eventually they were gone, *pop* his tail also disappears, "Kaveh can you try speaking?" Tighnari asks, Kaveh opens his mouth a little, "H-Hello? Oh! My voice is back!" Tighnari and I both breathe a sigh of relief, I walk over and headlock him gently while ruffling his hair, "you little idiot..." Kaveh chuckles and wraps his arms around my waist, "I'm your idiot though" I laugh out loud, "indeed, now about the kiss I promised you..." I smirk at him, "I'll just go out for a minute" Tighnari smiles at us smugly before heading out of the hut. Kaveh presses his lips hard into mine, a surge of love rushes through me as I wrap my arms around his waist pulling him closer, Kaveh's hands find themselves into my pants as he caresses my ass gently, I bite his bottom lip hard, he gasps in slight shock, I quickly slide my tongue in to arouse him, he pushes his tongue against mine as our saliva mix together, soon Kaveh breaks the kiss, I pant heavily and wipe the saliva off my lips. "Hah... sweet~" I say softly, Kaveh has a silly blush on his face, I pull him into a hug, Kaveh reluctantly wraps his arms around me. "I hate you..." he says softly into my shoulder, I chuckle, "I love you too...idiot".