Blood Supermoon

20. Again, never

What was the difference between friendship and love?

Lue thought she knew but because of this past month she wasn't sure anymore. Josandra was her first real friend. A few days ago when Josandra came out to her, Lue's mind shut down. It veered off and remembered all the strange desires she experienced back when they were in Winnie. She had fought hard to forget about those moments, but now they surfaced like a blooming flower. It wasn't only the desires but other moments too.

Like when Josandra was injured that day at the border, Lue thought she was going to lose her mind. She had never felt the desperation and sorrow that she felt on that day ever before. Sometimes she had nightmares about Josandra getting shot and it frightened her to death. She prayed to God that day that if Josandra made it out of this alive, she'd protect and stay by her side forever. Since when did it become that she couldn't be apart from her anymore?

But she wanted Bella to be by her side, Zaria too. But Josandra...was a woman and her age—she's never felt these weird desires for Zaria before.

It was honestly because Lue was confused. That's all. She's never had a friend that was a girl before. It was easy to get attached to the first one because there was much to bond over. To think about them every day and help them in every way possible, that was natural. She was sure if she had other friends, this confusion for Josandra would fade.

She didn't have time for romance anyway. She wouldn't know the first thing about dating Josandra and Josandra deserved the best.

But that day Josandra had confessed, she had looked at Lue as if she was supposed to understand where Josandra was coming from. As though...Lue was into women too.

She couldn't be and she had told Josandra that. She wasn't into anyone. As long as Josandra stayed by her side as a friend and she figured out what to do about the palace, she didn't care about anything else.

But Josandra's been avoiding her—did she regret telling her? Was she embarrassed? It made Lue anxious.

They were all sitting outside eating lunch a few days later. Zaria was beside her, talking to the boys while Josandra was filling up her bowl with beef tripe soup in the back. As she set it down on the table, Lue rose and went to her. She took the hard-boiled egg from Josandra's hand and started to peel it.

"Let me peel it for you," Lue said.

"I can do it," Josandra replied.

"If it's too hot you'll drop it and that'll be a waste."

"That was only one time," Josandra frowned.

"Just go sit over there and wait. I saved a spot for you," Lue said.

"I was sitting with Jean and May—"

"You've been sitting with them for the past two days. They'll be fine," Lue said.

She placed the peeled egg in the soup and picked up Josandra's bowl. Josandra huffed as she followed Lue back to the boys. Lue nudged Zaria to move over so that Josandra could sit in between them. Zaria slid over and Josandra reluctantly sat down. Lue set her bowl in front of her.

"Watch out, Lue, you're treating Josandra way better than you treated Zaria when you all were together," Upton joked.

Josandra stiffened as Lue's eyes widened and her heart dropped to her stomach.

"N-no—" Lue uttered.

"What?" Josandra asked.

"Upton," Zaria said sternly.

"What did you say?" Josandra asked.

"Jackson said Zaria told him when Jackson asked who Lue was. When Zaria was 17, they were engaged. How could you have dropped the ball on someone like Lue?" Upton asked Zaria.