Affluent [H.S]

Forty Four*

❀Three months later❀

8 January 2021
Emersyn Styles

The softest of blues coats the end of my brush bristles as I sit cross legged on the wooden floor that's covered by white plastic and I paint the wall gently. Harry banned me from standing up because my ankles are so swollen and I'm clumsy at the moment, he handed me a brush and the paint we picked out together and fucked off somewhere.

I'm six months pregnant and not having fun, Little Star likes to kick me as hard as possible and I swear they want me to pee myself sometimes.

The past three months have been filled with a lot of highs and a couple lows. We found out the sex of our baby, felt their kicks for the first time but I also had a major falling out with my parents and attended the funeral for Maura.

I remember little bits of the funeral, seeing her coffin and how it made me feel, the way I couldn't even stand with Harry to be comforted but instead was the comforter for Niall who became someone I didn't know. We sat together at her grave and just talked to her. It helped him heal but also he likes to tell Little Star about their grandma that lives in the stars.

That was two weeks after she died, he's healing more everyday and I've been trying my hardest to support him especially since we spend so much time together.

I miss her warmth and love every second but whenever I need her I go out onto the balcony and speak to the brightest star in the sky, she's the prettiest one.

Harry's been an amazing support, not only for me but also for Koen who took the loss extremely hard. He was the last person to speak to her, apparently she sat on his bad with him and told him everything that I needed to know - it was a lot for his young mind to cope with.

She treated him like a son and he's treated her death like the loss of a mother.

However, now we're in a very slow and quiet part of life. We're waiting for Little Star to make their appearance, there's still three months to wait so we're preparing for what's to come. I'm so fucking nervous, I have to stop thinking about pushing a baby out of my body and the pain that comes with labor.

Anne keeps reassuring me but it's no use, I am terrified.

I feel a strong kick, eyes going to where Little Star is pressing their little feet against me and I smile, placing a hand over the top to feel the gentle kicks. "I feel you, Little Star, Mumma feels your sweet kicks."

I'm smiling as I take a moment to appreciate the feeling, the day they started to kick was the most beautiful day. Harry and I had been laid on the sofa on the balcony, lent against his chest while we watched the rain pouring down around us. No one ever told me how relaxing being untouchable from the rain was and now I want to immerse myself in the protected surroundings.