stuck (together)

part 37

Julian

After a few more days of wallowing in his dark, and frankly, messy room Chris had convinced him to get out of their dorm for more than just lessons and meals, to go on a walk with his friends.

At first he really didn't want to go, hanging out with the group meant that he would definitely be hanging out with Ethan. There was no way he would be able to just walk around, and act like everything was normal, but Chris reassured him that Ethan was too caught up school work to come.

But that thought only worked to remind Julian what it was once like to be cooped up studying with Ethan. What it could be like to study in between kisses and cuddles, books tossed aside forgotten about amongst their touches.

He had to stop thinking about him, but at this point Julian knew it was a lost cause.

And so he went on the walk. It was strange not having Ethan to look up at and glance towards when someone said something silly, or when he was just missing the person he was, when it was just them.

But instead he stood feeling completely alone as John walked next to him, chatting his ear off. John did what John does best, randomly touching and complimenting him, and Julian didn't nessarly mind it, but at that moment, he found it to be beyound annoying. What made everything worse was John's constant need to bring up Ethan every opportunity he got. The mentions weren't just normal ones either, they were always talking about Ethan in relations to Julian.

All Julian could think was how he was going to murder someone soon, and that person's name was going to be John.

At some point he managed to escape John and the rest of the group. Lucky for him, he had brought a book, in case this exact situation ended up unfolding, so he sat on a bench by himself, in the cold, reading a book he had already read twice. He couldn't help but find the entire scene a bit pathetic.

He was supposed to go out, enjoy the fresh air, and get his mind off of Ethan, not to sit and think about how all he wants to do is beg Ethan to realize how stupid he's being, and to please just let things go back to the way they were.

But it didn't matter, since someone took a seat directly next to him, and Julian knew it was Ethan. He could tell by the vague scent of pine, and the brown locks that made their way to Julian's peripheral vision. He had to fight the urge to pull him in, to hold onto him so he can't leave, so instead he says "Hi."

Julian felt so very stupid, Ethan was the one that sat next to him Ethan was the one who ruined things, but Julian was the one who spoke first.
Julian had not so silently, showed just how desperately he wanted to be with Ethan again.

Julian heard Ethan barely audibly say 'Hi' back, but they  quickly fell into silence. Ethan most likely sat trying to figure out what to say next, trying to gauge how each word could effect Julian.

And Julian sat knowing Ethan could say nothing at all, and he'd still be willing to sacrifice what little dignity he had left, just to spend a night fucking studying with him.

"I'm sorry," Ethan's words broke the silence, almost tenderly, his familiar soft voice acting as something to stabalize Julian, or more accurately, soemthing to undo him entirely.

"I'm really sorry," Ethan spoke again, and Julian could hear the way he inhaled another breath preparing to speak, but Julian cut him off before he got a chance.

"It doesn't matter," Julian says turning to meet Ethan's gaze, his brown eyes laced with a mixture of guilt, and what Julian can't help but recognize as desperation, "Ethan," Julian paused, debating if he really should confess how Ethan owns him completely, but he decided that staying silently wouldn't change the truth, "You could destroy my soul entirely, Ethan, leave me, so I'm never again able to speak to another human, without instinctively searching for any piece of them that remind me of you, and I will still think of you fondly. You are, after all, the person I will always look for in a crowded room. And if you ever want to let me have you again, I will always say yes," Julian could see the way Ethan's tan skin deepen into reddish shade, the way his eyes rotated from staring at his lap, to Julian's lips, and then to his eyes.

Before Ethan spoke again, his hand traveled to Julian's jaw, and he rested his forehead against Julian's, "I am not worth all that pain," he sighed, his breath tickling Julian's bottom lip, "I am only a teenage boy," he whispered softly.

"You're the only teenage boy, I ever want to suffer for," Julian spoke sincerely, letting his words wash over the older boy.

"Shut up and fucking kiss me already because the longer I let you speak, the less sure I deserve you," Ethan said trying to close the gap, but Julian pulled away, just enough, so their lips brushed each other lightly.

"You deserve me and so much more," Julian mumbled into Ethan's lips, before letting them intertwine with each other.

The kiss was gentle, reminiscent of their first one. Julian took his time, enjoying the warmth of Ethan's mouth on his, the soft way Ethan's tongue met his, but most importantly, he enjoyed the presence of the boy he was kissing.

Julains pulled apart placing his head in the crook of Ethan's shoulder, "I know we just got done fighting, but, God, can we please go back to one of ours rooms, all the boys are out, and I just really, really want you," Julian spook into Ethan's neck, not needing to look at the boys face to know he was blushing.

"Has anyone ever told you, you're very good with words?" Julian recognized the hint of embarrassment hiding in Ethan's tone. A small token of his affection.

"And what do you mean by that?" Julian teased, nuzzling his face into his skin.

Ethan groaned into Julian's hair, "You know exactly what I mean."

Julian looked up placing a quick kiss on his lips, "I do," he whispered with a toothy grin.

A/N: idk if i've alr used this photo but idc we're using it again