I woke up this morning after 1 month of being at our vacation spot and I knew what I wanted to do today. I wanted to write. I wanted to write something to Louis. Something to Liam. Something to Zayn. Something to Niall... Something to my family and friends. This is after I had a horrible breakdown last night. All four of my ex-husbands had to sleep in my room last night. Well...rest their eyes since we don't really sleep. I was held by Liam and Louis was holding both of my hands. It calmed me so much that I actually fell asleep. They still have that skill I guess...
Anyways... I got myself out of bed and I went to my dresser and I pulled out another really dark outfit that I had planned. I'm planning on wearing things like this when I actually get better, and when that time comes, they will for sure know.
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I then walked to the desk that they had in my room and I saw a stack of paper and pens. This place is known to work on one's mentality, so they probably had this out for those who write their feelings out. I'm one of those people actually. Because that's exactly what I'm about to do... I sat at the desk and I stared at that paper for the longest time. I was going to start with Louis, so I closed my eyes and I thought of him and only him. I thought about the memories that the two of us share alone and I just let my hand run free.
I was just writing on and on. The four of them alone had me write a total of 8 pages. I then wrote 2 pages about our relationship and what that part of my life did to me. I did want to read this out to them, so I made sure to make it neat enough for them to keep if they wish to have it. I don't know why they would want to keep it, but they are sweet like that, so they just might stick it to a wall or something of that matter. Now that I'm thinking about it... I really hope that they keep it close to them. I'm not going to go away, but I like the feeling of my feelings being accounted for.
I was now thinking of my family when I got a flash of Ed coming into my head. I jumped and dropped the pen. "No...No! Out! GET OUT!" I shouted and my door opened fast and it was Liam who was in front of me on his knees. "Hey lovely, hey... I'm right here," he says and holds my wrists. I had my eyes shut tight and I felt myself shaking. "There is nothing wrong baby. No one is going to hurt you, okay? I'm right here, and I'll make sure that you are danger free." "It...He won't leave..." "Who baby? Who's tainting this beautiful mind?" He asked and started to caress the back of my hand.
"Ed...Ed's here and... and he won't leave.." "He isn't here lovely, and even so, he can't do anything to you. I'll break him before he can even take a step in your direction. I'm here to protect you baby. He is no where around you, okay?" "How can... how can you be so sure?" "Well you can open your eyes and see for yourself." "I'm... I'm scared." "It's okay to be scared love. I'm right here, okay? You can cling to me if you wish to. You always do that when we're watching something scary or you're going on an investigation with Sam and Colby. I'll be your emotional support person, yeah? I'm the only one here. It's just you and I. I'm not going anywhere, okay?" "Okay.."
I hesitated, but I did eventually open my eyes. I was still in my room, and Liam was in fact in front of me. I broke. I fell right into his arms and he was quick to wrap his arms around me. He held onto me tightly and I cried at the feeling of his touch. He was rubbing my back softly and it felt so nice. "Shh... It's okay, my love. I'm right here. Just for you," I heard him say and I cried a little harder. "Everything is going to be okay Hazz. I'll be sure of that. We'll all be sure of that." "Don't... don't go..." "I would never leave you. I'll be right here," he tells me comfortingly.
