Blinded // Discontinued

six | who am i?

Fair Warning : This chapter is going to get confusing (somewhere in the middle).

I'm sorry, but you'll understand what the heck is going on as the story unfolds!

Some people may actually understand what is going on when it happens, but if you don't? Don't feel bad gurl! (or boy...) It will make sense!

PS: Read the Authors Note at the end! It's important.

Song: So Cold by Ben Cocks

six | who am i?

Sophia.

I am drowning. 

It feels like I can't breathe.

It feels like I'm dead inside.

no.

Something worse than that,

I feel like I'm still a child.

A child trying to find a place in this world.

I felt a lightweight sit next to me, the even breathing keeping it's pace at a steady beat. I closed the journal I was writing in and stuffed it under my pillow, not really caring that the person was watching. "Are you alright?" Liam's voice asked.

I nodded, "Why wouldn't I be?"

"I don't know," His voice trailed off, "You didn't seem so fond at the idea of staying at my flat and now you're here and you don't seem to like it much." He shrugged.

I shrugged and passed my fingers over the textures of the bed sheet beneath me. "I feel like I'm a doll being passed from one child to another, like I don't have a home or a sense of security. I'm just a  puppet that everyone controls. I had absolutely no say in what I wanted to do, Anna just decided for me and we weren't even on speaking terms before this." 

There was a small silence before he spoke up, "Two things actually. That iss the most you've ever spoken to me, and secondly, that was deep; deep like the ocean."

I stiffled a laugh. Wow. "Who says that?" I mocked him in his deep voice, "You are deep, deep like the ocean" I began giggling like an idiot.

Soon enough, Liam started giggling too.

It was weird.

What boy giggles?

"You're funny." He said, I heard the smirk on his lips.

I shrugged and answered with a small smile. "Sure."

 The ping of the doorbell rang through the house. "Excuse me." His weight was lifted off the edge of the bed, leaving me alone again.

As if on cue, the slight bit of happiness and laughter that came over me a few seconds ago was pulled away from me painfully slow.

I was left alone in my pessimistic thoughts.

I retrieved the journal from under the pillow and flipped to any given page. This book probably has dozens of thoughts overlapping each other on each page. I began scribbling words on the paper.

My eyes began feeling heavier, of course I'd be tired. When we decided on me staying at Liam's, Anna gave me the prescribed sedatives to put me to sleep.

I didn't want to sleep though, I wanted to stay awake.

I kept writing on the paper. Well, more like scribbled, random words, shapes, and anything that came out.

I hummed softly to a tune replaying in my head.

Sienna.

I listened to the scribbling of Sophia writing her thoughts onto the paper, then the soft hums coming from her mouth. 

I loathed her.

She was always the one who got all the pity, all the love, and then there was me.

Little old Sienna always hiding behind her and watching her live her life. 

It was like a cheesy 3D movie. A movie that I was watching unravel at the front row.

I don't want to hate her, I just do.

I've been trying to figure out things. Trying to figure out how to let go.

How to let go of her.

But obviously I can't.

I have this undying hatred for myself - this undying hatred for those around me - it causes me to be stuck here.

It causes me to want to hurt someone. 

The one person I can hurt is Sophia.

I hate it yet I love it.

The adreneline of the release.

The pain that comes with it. The very joyous pain - oh how I love it.

But after I prey, I take over.

I mean really take over.

I soak up all the pity and sorrow and pain and heartache!..

I'm just infatuated with all the attention she gets.

It's a blessing and a curse darling.

I want to rid myself of it, but I don't know how. I don't know what I have to do to escape the nightmare and dream of mine.

I spend more time wanting to end my life than actually living it.

I'm stuck in this place I hate.

Stuck.

Stuck and trapped.

My eyes may be sealed, but I can't seem to stop looking for the light at the end of the tunnel.

Then I realize that there is no tunnel.

I'm standing alone in this cold world.

And honey, it isn't a nice feeling.

I don't even know who I am, my name isn't even Sienna.

I sometimes wish I wasn't around, I feel like a ghost haunting someone, but I'm not.

I'm so much more than that.

I'm just a girl that wants to be seen, although I can't see. I just want someone to notice me.

I'm a bird without wings; flightless.

Who am I?

That question is the root to my problems.

I am not Sienna.

Sienna is merely a name for this twisted reality.

I know Sophia, on a deeper level.

Because I - 

well put it this way.

I am Sophia.

Are you confused?!

Don't worry, you're supposed to Comment your thoughts on this:))))))

And I know it's extremely short

Dedicated to a commenter?

Please take less that thirty seconds to cote guiseee.

Any ship name ideas? Sophia + Liam = Sophiam? idk help ? (that name was sent in by a fan :'))

P.S. kik me (elmolovesyuu) , tweet me (@_youlittleshits)

Comment, Vote, Fan, etc.. Comment + Vote.. Vomment? ew LOL. 

P.P.S  ; The next chapter will DEFINITELY be longer, talk about dramaaaaa :D

Edited