Tango: My knee just cracked so loudly that I half expect it to glow in the dark tonight
Bdubs: An apple a day keeps the doctor away!
Etho: An apple a day will keep anyone away if you throw it hard enough
Bdubs: Any advice before Impulse and I fight?
Etho: Don't wet yourself in public
Bdubs: Not the kind of advice I was looking for
Cleo: Any idiot would know that
Martyn: I knew that!
Cleo: See?
Scar: If you see me talking to myself, go away! I'm self-employed and we're having a staff meeting
Ren: Guess what number I'm thinking of
Pearl: 420?
Ren: No, that's really immature of you. Someone else guess, and please take this seriously
Martyn: 69
Ren: Yeah it was 69
Cleo: You can't wake up if you never got to sleep
Xisuma: How did you break your leg?
Grian: See those porch stairs?
Xisuma: Yes?
Grian: I didn't
Pearl: So, are you two friends?
Martyn: Yes
Cleo: No
Tango: *closes cabinet*
*A crash is heard behind the cabinet door*
Impulse: What was that?
Tango: The sound of someone else's problem
Impulse: I'm convinced Scar and Grian share a brain cell
Xisuma: And it seems it's not in use very often
Martyn: You know Ren, when you generalise, you tell general... lies
Ren:
Ren: Are you trying to teach me moral lessons through puns
Scott: New year, same me. Because I'm perfect
Impulse: Are you the big spoon or little spoon?
Bdubs: I'm a knife
Etho from across the room: He's the little spoon
Grian: I think this might be a bad idea...
Scar: Don't start thinking on me now!
Tango: I like your top Bdubs!
Etho: I have a name you know
Bdubs: *sighs* Why. Why are you like this
Cleo: I have a seen a lot of murders in my time, and all six of them were today
Joel: So, what's it like living with Scott?
Jimmy: He once referred to sand as 'heterosexual glitter'
Joel: ...
Jimmy: I love him so much
Martyn: Ren isn't talking to me
Cleo: Enjoy it while it lasts
Pearl: Hey
Cleo: Hey?
Pearl: I can't sleep :/
Cleo: I can. Goodnight
Joel: Some people say I have a god complex. I like to think I'm a complex god
Cleo: You're alive
Ren: No need to sound so disappointed
Grian: Whatcha got there...?
Scar: *petting a llama* a smoothie
Xisuma: Just be yourself. Say something nice
Cleo: Which one? I can't do both
Joel: Ah, ready for another fantastic day of being better than Jimmy
Etho: We all have our demons
Etho, grabbing Bdubs: This one's mine
Cleo: I'll be famous one day, but for now I'm stuck in this house with a bunch of morons
Scar: The first time I saw you, you stole my heart
Grian: But I'm a kleptomaniac so that doesn't mean anything
Etho: Guys there a monster under my bed and it's really ugly
Bdubs on the bottom bunk: Honestly, fuck you
Bdubs: Are we fighting or flirting?
Etho: I'm pinning you against the wall with my hand around your neck-
Bdubs: Your point?
Martyn: I think Pearl is in trouble
Cleo: Alright. Struggling to give a fuck, if I'm honest
Bdubs, gesturing to Cleo: Scar look what you did! You made mom upset!
Scar: Mom we're sorry, please don't cry :(
Bdubs: I'm sorry mom... :(
Cleo, near tears: I DON'T REMEMBER GIVING BIRTH TO ANY OF YOU!
Ren: Come on Cleo! How many times do I have to apologise?
Cleo: Once
Ren: ...No
Doc: I am yet to encounter a problem where a sword didn't factor into the solution at least in some way
Aiqaz: Everything will be okay. You can not stop it
Aiqaz: Everything will be fine. You have no choice
Ren: What the fuck kind of pep talk is that?
Aiqaz: Ominous positivity
Etho: You're violent
Bdubs: Yeah but I'm also short and that's adorable
Bdubs: Etho and I got married!
Cleo: Don't share your personal problems with everyone
Xisuma: I keep a picture of all of us in my wallet. Whenever I face difficulties, I take it out and stare at the picture
The Hermits: Awwww-
Xisuma: And I tell myself 'if I can deal with these idiots, I can deal with anything'
The Hermits: Oh
Doc: I have met some of the most insufferable people. But they also met me
Impulse: Hey Xisuma, have you ever thought about having children?
Xisuma: ...
Xisuma: Does looking over you and the others not seem like I already do? Because I promise you, it sure feels like it
Impulse: But we're not chil-
Xisuma, already distracted: SCAR! PUT THE FIRE DOWN
Scar: *about to do something incredibly stupid*
Grian: I know I can't stop you, but I won't let you go by yourself
Bdubs: There's no way he likes me back
Xisuma: Etho would jump in front of a moving car for you
Bdubs: Etho would jump in front of a moving car for fun
YOU ARE READING
Elusion (HermitcraftxEmpiresAU)
FanfictionSequel to Collision and Prequel to Closed Eyes. King Ren has been defeated and killed. But what's this? He's back? The Hermits and Emperors are scrambling to get back to normal after the events that unfolded when the Watchers nearly destroyed Empire...
