Elusion (HermitcraftxEmpiresAU)

Incorrect Quotes

Let's take a break from the angst and enjoy some comedy! (I made these at 12am at night fueled by nothing but sleep deprivation)

Ren: What's up? I'm back
Grian: You're dead. You died. I saw you die.
Ren: Death is a social construct

Bdubs: I'm the smartest, wisest person in this group
Etho: Is your hand stuck in the vending machine?
Bdubs: I paid for my mars bar, I'm getting my mars bar

Impulse: You often use humour to deflect your trauma
Tango: Thank you
Impulse: I didn't say that was a good thing
Tango: What I'm hearing is, you think I'm funny

Jimmy: Relax. Just act mature
Joel: Mature. Got it
*later, on the date*
Lizzie: So, what do you like to do for fun?
Joel, with a deep voice: Taxes

Etho: How's the most beautiful person on earth doing?
Bdubs: Aww th-
Ren: I'm great, thanks

Ren: I just ended a four year relationship
Pearl: Oh, I'm so sorry. Are you okay?
Ren: Hm? Oh yeah I'm fine. It wasn't my relationship
*Etho and Bdubs arguing from across the room*

Xisuma: Would you rather kill Jevin, or-
Cleo: Yes, kill him
Xisuma: I didn't say the other person-
Cleo: I don't need to hear it
Jevin: I'm feeling a little unsafe...

Grian: Whatcha doin?
Scar: Stealing my neighbours cat
Grian: Scandalous
Grian: Can I help?

Cleo to Xisuma: How do you tell someone politely you want to hit them with a brick?

Martyn: They don't make them like me anymore. I'm the last of my kind
Cleo: Thank god

Grian: Well, well, well, if it isn't the consequences of my own actions

Martyn: I'm quick at math
Cleo: Ok, what's 38 times 76?
Martyn: 24
Cleo: That wasn't even close
Martyn: But it was quick

Impulse: The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was changing his name to Tango

Sausage to Hermes: You're starting to look more and more like me everyday
Hermes: *bursts into tears*
Sausage: Why are you crying?
Hermes: You're ugly! I don't want to look like you *sobs*

Everyone: You disgust me
Doc: *eating a kitkat sideways* I realise this and I don't care

Grian: I am a responsible adult!
Xisuma: *raises eyebrow*
Grian: I am an adult

*Hermits and Emperors are on the bus and a child is crying*
Scott: Rolls eyes to the sky
Keralis: Makes funny faces to get them to stop
Ren: Puts his earphones in at 100% volume
Etho: Doesn't mind, doesn't bother
Cleo: Is the reason they're crying
Doc: Enjoys in silence

Martyn at Ren's funeral: I need a moment with him
Everyone else: Of course *leaves*
Martyn, leaning over Ren's coffin: Okay, listen here you little shit. I know you're not dead
Ren, sitting up in the coffin: Yeah no shit

Scott: How's practice going?
Tango: Terrible. I want to stab everyone there
Scott: Okay, just don't get any blood on your clothes
Tango: ...You shouldn't be condoning this
Scott: Don't tell me how to live my life

Martyn: You call yourself my soulmate, but where were you when my meme only had four likes?
Ren: Making four accounts
Martyn, tearing up: ...Really?

Grian: Yo dumbass, get over here
Scar: Okay-
Pearl: *gleefully runs past* I'm coming!
Scar, sadly: I thought... I was dumbass

Etho: Why are you burning our marriage certificate?!
Bdubs: Good luck trying to return me without the receipt

Impulse: I don't want to fight you!
Tango: I wouldn't want to fight me either!

Bdubs, looking through his clothes: Has anyone seen my top?
Ren: Etho is in the kitchen

Cleo: I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally

Bdubs, taping a knife to the roomba: Be free my child
Etho walking into the room with a small cut on his ankle: Who the f-

Gem promoting veganism: Stop eating crab legs! How would you feel if someone cracked you open and ate your insides?!
Cleo: Side eye
Gem: Shut up

Etho: Bdubs can you help me? All my clothes keep disappearing for some reason
Bdubs wearing a hoodie 5x his size: Spooky

Etho: *spits mouthful of blood onto the floor* I see you've become more powerful since we last crossed paths
Dentist: Please stop, there's literally a sink right next to you

Etho: If I make you breakfast in bed, and simple 'thank you' is all I need
Etho: Not all this 'how did you get into my house' business

Martyn: The risk I took was calculated but man, I'm bad at math

Xisuma: When do you usually go to sleep?
Cleo: When I collapse is entirely up to the gods

Ren: Hey dudes
False: Die
Ren: What did I do to you-

Xisuma: Alright listen up you little shits
Xisuma: Not you Impulse, you're an Angel and we're thrilled you're here