Cherophobia

28

A/N: I want to dedicate this chapter to @Growth19. I deeply appreciate your votes. Thank you.
Still on Keturah's POV....

My feet was immobile. My mind was still all over the place and it hurts so bad.

"Get out before I push you, pig!"

Her second command finally kicked in and my feet started moving but I wasn't thinking properly.

My thoughts were jumbling in my head but my feet kept on moving. I looked around finally realizing that I was in the park with people staring at me.

I looked down feeling uncomfortable and realized I had no shoes on but, I couldn't go back, the pain in my chest hurt badly.

I continued to stare at my feet thinking of how this happened. What did I do for things to be like this? I know she was angry but things said out of anger were always meant to be true.

I rubbed my hands over my face and sighed seeing my palms wet. I didn't know I was even crying.

A whimper escaped my mouth thinking about everything I've being through.

"Why did you give me this life? Cause I honestly don't understand. If you had given me another life I wouldn't be suffering. What is all this? It's just too much. I can't hold on any longer." I murmured looking up into the sky.

"You know I'm speaking to you, don't you see what is happening? My life sucks." Tears streamed down my face again. I was tired and I couldn't care less if someone saw me.

I sobbed knowing this was actually my fault, the thing called happiness was never meant for me.

Every time I felt a tiny bit of content, something bad just happens. That is why I was avoid that feeling, cause it always brings me pain.

One minute I was happy and then I was sad the next. This was what I've been telling Darien, something bad was always after me. If I had stayed the way I was, this wouldn't have happened.

This was just too much, I just wanted everything to go. I sat there thinking about all the cruel things my mom said to me and whimpered.

I knew she's always been bitter but I didn't know it was this much, I remember the first time this started, she said I looked like an ogre.

"No one will want you!" That were one of her exact words to me. I've been frightened my whole life, feeling insecure about my body and face in particular.

As a child, my mom never took me out, it was like she was ashamed of me. She always had Persis and Keisha with her when she was going to meet her friends but I didn't mind at all. I was comfortable being left alone.

I laughed bitterly thinking about this place.  Some months ago, this was the same place I walked to when she humiliated me. I thought mothers were supposed to be protective and caring when it came to their children but I didn't get that.

That was one of my reasons for stalking Darien's house, they were always happy or so I thought. I sniffed wiping my face with my shirt. I thought taking some burdens off her shoulder will let her see that I was helping. But clearly I was wrong. 

I sighed looking up to see the sky already dark with few people in the park. I didn't feel like going home, at least not yet but I had no choice, my phone was in the house well with my shoes too.

I made my way back to where I came from, hoping to avoid my mom and especially my sisters. I was ashamed and definitely wouldn't know what to say to them so I used the back door and tiptoed into my room to get a shower without turning my lights on. The shower was a quick one cause I was eager to just lay in bed.