The Barbarous Us-KTH FF (Book I)

SEVENTY ONE

"Hashtag, Kim Y/N," she whispered. "You're trending. You're always trending, and you don't even know it.

"Anytime we step out in public, you're on Fashion Police, or some other random magazine, being praised. But you don't care because you're a fucking Boss. So of course, I was jealous. The stunningly beautiful, always fashionable, deadly frightening Kim Y/N? How the fuck are any of us supposed to stand next to that?"

Why won't you go away?

"I shouldn't care right?" She sighed. "But I do care. You're everything I wanted to be and then some. The object of every man's desire, and yet never a person. I was born beautiful, and I don't mean that in a cocky, 'I love myself' sort of way. I was born beautiful, and guys always liked me for it. But there was one guy who liked it a little too much. I was a freshman in college. I was actually saving myself for the one, and I knew he wasn't it. So instead of paying attention in school to those stupid flyers and posters that all read 'No means No,' he . . ."

She sobbed, and I just wanted to sleep.

"He pulled me into his dorm room, and no one did anything because I was the pretty girl who most likely did get around. His friends were there and they all—" She stopped, staring at her tattoo, running her finger over it so many times I stopped counting. "When they finished, they laughed at the fact that I was the loosest virgin they had ever had. When I got home, I had never cried or scrubbed myself so hard. The next day I pulled out of all my classes and finished the rest of my college career from the safety of my bedroom."

I wasn't sure what she wanted from me, but I enjoyed the silence as she lost herself in her thoughts. Sadly, it was short-lived.

"I got this tattoo a month before I found Jin. A Dara knot, I wanted to be strong again and it made me feel that. I think that's why I found Jin, I wasn't broken anymore."

If you are in this family you are broken, don't kid yourself.

"He made me feel safe again, happy again. But there is still this part of me that I can't fix. I hate people. I hate men . . . all men outside of this family."

That is the very definition of broken!

"And I hate women in some ways, because I hate myself. So when I saw you walking as if you were on water, I hated you the most. Jin tried to knock some sense into me. He said you're the queen and I'm the princess. After that, I was able to handle it until Evelyn told me you were pregnant." She laughed bitterly.

You are insane Jisoo. Leave me alone.

"I wanted a child of my own. Jin and I tried over and over again, and here you, the woman dripping in blood and sin, were going to have a child. So I cursed God. I told Him that He was an egotistical, bigoted asshole. Where was the justice? All the shit I had gone through and I just wanted a child. You kill, you steal, you lie, and yet, He gave one to you. But here I am regretting it so badly, Y/N," she whispered the last part.

"I never ever meant to hurt you, and I swear from this day forward I will always love you like I should have from the very beginning." If she knew me at all, she should have known I didn't want or ask for her love and that I knew it was bullshit. She wanted to make herself feel better not me.