I love you | Chris Sturniolo

14| Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fourteen, Hate Myself.

ALEXA MARIE MARTINEZ
MIRROR ON THE WALL - LXST 

soon after my conversation with chris, i felt myself getting tired and saw that nick had already fallen asleep. So i put my phone down and slowly drifted off.

"Lexi?" 

"Dad?" i asked confused 

"Its me lexi" he smiled as i ran closer and pulled him into a hug.

"How is my favourite girl!" he asked with the brightest smile 

"I've made friends dad, people that actually care about me!" I gushed as he stroked my hair

"But sometimes, i feel like they just pity me, there just friends with me because they feel bad." 

"They are." his smile dropped 

"W-what?" I stumbled on my words as i slowly looked up.

"They're only friends with you because they feel bad. They never have and never will like you." 

"D-dad?" 

"What? What did you think? They like someone like you? You're not good enough for anyone let alone chris, he doesn't even like you, i mean look at you. Have you even looked in the mirror lately? no one likes you. You're just an ugly ass bitch that everyone pities. I can't believe i gave birth to you." i started to rub my eyes as tears poured down.

i looked up at the figure in front of me to now see my own mother standing there. 

"Your worthless lexi. Nothing but an ugly worthless little fuck up that no one likes."

"mum i-" i started before i felt her hands on my neck as she started to hold it tighter and tighter. 

"MUM STOP! I CANT- I CANT BREATHE-" I tried to shout but she wouldn't stop, she kept on holding.

and then i woke up. 

I sat up gasping for air as sweat and tears poured down my face. What the fuck?

I slowly got myself together somehow without waking nick up. he really is a deep sleeper. i then got my sliders on and walked out of nicks room to get some water. 

and there i was, sat in the kitchen with a glass of water at 2 in the morning trying to collect myself from whatever the fuck just happened in my dream or nightmare. 

Everything my mum said, what if everything she said was true, I mean it was true. I hate myself, im ugly and no one really likes me. But what if the triplets just pity me? I mean there was no way anyone like chris would ever see anything in me, let alone his brothers. They're all so nice to me. and im so grateful don't get me wrong but i cant help but think, what if they just pity me. 

I then got up and went to the bathroom and when it turned to look at the mirror. I am fucking ugly, even i cant see what chris sees in me, if there even is anything he sees. 

I sat on the floor with my knees pushed against my chest. 

"Why the fuck is it always me?" I sobbed in a whisper

and there it was again, The tears rolled down my face and the pace of my heartbeat started to quicken along with my breathing. I then found myself struggling to breathe when the handle of the door started to turn as someone opened it. 

"Oh shit im sorry, lexi?" Chris stood rubbing his eyes as he tried to wake up.

"hey, hey, hey what's up?" He asked quickly before pulling me up and bringing me into his chest as his arms wrapped around me.