Chapter Eleven, I'm Sorry.
CHRISTOPHER OWEN STURNIOLO
APOCALYPSE - CIGARETTES AFTER SEX
Okay, im going quiet literally insane. But honestly, i have no fucking clue about what im doing.
Alexa Was the first girl I've ever felt actual feelings for and this is all so new to me. Sure i kissed Olivia, but that all we've ever been. A kiss. But lexi, shes something else. Yes we've also kissed, but with her, i want more. I don't just want it to end there.
But i obviously had to go and fuck things up.
after the kiss, i had more feelings for lexi. these feelings were new and i had no idea how to control them so i thought it would be better to just move on and stop thinking about her. In not right for her, I'll accidentally break her heart without thinking or I'll make a mistake and it'll be over. I hate it but it's true I don't want to break her heart and I'm scared she will break mine. She deserves someone better, way better than me.
But when i woke up, she was all i thought about, when we got to school, she was all i thought about. So i decided that if i kissed Olivia, it would all go away, but it didn't. I looked up after the kiss and saw her face fall. I hated it. I hated making my girl upset. and the worst part about it, it was for no reason. The feelings were still there. so finally in the lesson, I decided that i could make her mad at me she would just leave me alone and it wouldn't be hard for me so i told her the feelings i had for her were a joke. Of course they weren't but i wanted them to go away.
Watching her eyes water before she walked away broke me. But i cant fall for her, i cant risk getting my heart broken or breaking hers.
She staying with us for a few more months and she'll be gone. Not loving someone is better than heartbreak right?
"hey Alex Benson's throwing a party today, are we going?" Nick asked Coming out of his room.
"Uh yeah sure" matt replied looking at me as i just nodded.
"LEXI" nick screamed, lexi was sat in matt's room since she refused to sleep in mine. I wouldn't blame her but it still made me angry for some reason.
"What on earth do you want Nicolas" she sighed walking into the kitchen.
She was wearing one of matt's tops with my sweats that i gave her yesterday.
"Would you like to go to Alex's party with us?"
"Your all going?" she furrowed her eyebrows.
"Yeah, wanna come?"
"Uh sure, but i need clothes so matt could you please drive me to my dads, well my house."
"thats great and yes he will." Nick replied for matt, pushing him forward.
"Oh yeah madi said shes coming in a few minuets. She going too." I added as lexi turned her head to me, i hated this.
"What the fuck, why did she tell you and not me" nick shouted
"i'm the better triplet" i smiled
"Sure you are, come on matt." Lexi rolled her eyes. i deserved that.
"Ouch." Nick added as they left.
"Come on chris, talk to me. What you and lexi had was good, you can't have ruined it without a reason." he patted the counter space next to him.
"nick i think i like her. no fuck i'm falling in love with her"
"i fucking knew it! so what happened? why'd you fuck it up?"
"its stupid, i don't want my heartbroken, and i definitely don't want to break hers."
"oh brother." he sighed
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I love you | Chris Sturniolo
Fanfiction"break my heart as much as you want, it's yours Chris." I love you | Chris Sturniolo
