Forty Nine

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sorry for mistakes

AJ POV

There's no other word to describe how I'm feeling except for embarrassment. Embarrassed about the situation, embarrassed that mad people know about it, embarrassed that my phone is blowing up from people I don't even know DMing me. Embarrassed that my family is even involved. Embarrassed that Raheem is getting reeled into my shit. Embarrassed and ashamed all around.

I was able to stop Raheem from leaving about a minute ago. I got him right before he walked out, and I asked him not to go do nothing cus that's just gonna make it worse for me. I was afraid he was just gon be on go and not listen to me, but I was able to convince him not to do nothing. Then I excused myself to the bathroom so I could be by myself for a minute while Taleah and Raheem stayed in the living room.

I keep checking instagram over and over again, looking to see if the post still there. And it is. I'm avoiding every tag, message, and DM cus I don't wanna see what nobody gotta say about this. People I don't know at that. All of Zyier's friends and whoever else is seeing the post.

I'm in this bathroom going through the things I did and should've never done. Messages I sent that I shoulda never sent. Moments me and Zyier had that shoulda never happened. And I can't blame no one but myself for being too careless with shit. I don't even know how I ain't realize he was taking videos of us. And I don't even know why I said certain shit over the phone. I guess cus I felt I could trust him, but now it's all coming back to me.

I don't wanna talk to nobody cus I have nothing to say. So when there's two knocks on the bathroom door after me being in there for thirty minutes, I stay silent.

"Aj?" I hear. Nah. I'm definitely not opening the door now. "Honey?" He calls again. I wasn't expecting them to come so fast.

"Honey, are you okay?" He asks. There's no way I could look him in the eye knowing he saw that shit. It was too personal and ion like to be viewed like that to begin with. And I know he gon try to act like he don't care, but anybody could see how humiliating that is. Plus, we ain't got nothing to talk about. He just lost his babies so he don't need to be worried about my shit.

I keep my back to the door and my eyes on the ground, waiting for him to leave. I think the coast is clear now since its been silent for like a five minutes.

I open the door to check, but I fucked up cus I see him sitting at the edge of my bed and we instantly make eye contact. I start to back up into the bathroom again, but he stands up quickly and damn near almost stumbles over air. Ion even think he needs to be out the hospital right now. He still looks pale and I can tell that all he's been doing is crying by how red and swollen his eyes are. Not to mention he got bags under his eyes and he never does. Nigga going through it. So he should focus on that and just pretend like he ain't see nothing about me.

I have no choice but to approach him cus he's still standing up after almost falling over, and I know he not gon sit down unless I go over there.

He smiles at me sadly once I'm in front of him. I look away from him as he sits down at the edge of my bed again. He wraps his hand around my arm, encouraging me to sit down next to him. I shake my head.

"I'm good," I mumble, slowly pulling my arm away. He doesn't say anything back, he just keeps as best a grip he can around my arm. Ion feel like hearing whatever he wants to tell me, honestly. I just want to be by myself. That's it. So I tell him that, hoping he'll go away.

"I understand that but..." he sighs, "just sit with me for five minutes. And then I'll leave you alone. Please," he let's go of my arm.

Five minutes is still too long, but if I get to be alone after that then it's whatever. So, I sit a couple feet away from him, already planning on drowning whatever he has to say about this whole thing out. I know papa. It's not gon be nothing bad, but I'm cringing just thinking about him talking about that shit and I really don't wanna keep thinking about it over and over again.

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