finding permanence

16: Max

Mom, I'll have a chat with her when I'm ready. I'm not about to have a conversation with her when I know I'm not prepared to have it. Please just drop it." I look slightly back to see Jason in deep conversation with Sam. That doesn't seem like a good thing.

"Now. I have places to be. Thank you for coming to the game, you know I love seeing you guys." I give my parents quick hugs and rush over to the troublemakers.

Their hushed whispers come to a stop as I approach them, "Don't stop on my account. What are the two of you talking about?"

Jason throws his arm around Sam's shoulder, "Just about how I'm the better looking Rudderford and that Sam should give me a chance." My jaw clenches. I know that the likelihood of them getting together is slim to none, but the thought of Sam with anyone pisses me off. Fuck.

"Jason time to go," my dad exclaims.

"I guess that's my cue." He turns fully to face Sam. "It was the upmost pleasure meeting you Sam." When he goes to hug her, he whispers something in her ear that I can't make out.

"Good game Maxxy." He claps my shoulder as he passes to follow my parents to their car.

"What was that all about?" I look at Sam whose face is slightly flushed. That's weird.

"I think he just wanted to make me feel comfortable while you and your parents talked. I probably should've just left but I thought that might be rude."

"No, I'm glad you didn't leave," I sigh and brush back the hair in her face. "I'm sorry about my parents. As you can see, they are very opinionated, especially in terms of my love life."

"Right. I'm sure they just want to see you with someone who makes you happy. Maybe if you told them the truth, they wouldn't nag about it. Do you really want to get back together with her Max? After everything she's done?" She suggests.

I let my head drop and look at my shoes before answering, "I just don't want to be alone forever. I know that she's there if I can't find anyone else. It's like a safety net."

"I don't think it's worth it if you can't trust her though. Who's to say she won't do the same exact thing? In the back of your head, you'll always be thinking about all the ways she hurt you. It's not really something I think people get past."

"Yeah, I guess." I know she's right. It just scares me.

"Plus, you'll never really be alone. You have a lot of people who love you. And one day, someone's going to come along, someone good, and make all the hurt worth it. All the bad things that happened won't matter because eventually you'll have the person you're truly meant to be with. And they won't be with you just because of your status. They'll be there because you're a fucking awesome human being."

I look at Sam intently, fully grasping her words. She really found me when I needed her the most. "You've got a way with words Sam Drawings."

She flips her hair behind her shoulder, "I try. I try." She gets serious again. "I'm not kidding though Max. Your person's out there."

Yeah she is. And there's a good chance that I'm staring right at her. Fuck. Fuck. This wasn't supposed to happen. My feelings for Sam were always supposed to be friendly.

"Anyways, I should get going."

"There's no way I can convince you to come with me?" I don't want her to leave.

"Not tonight, I really am behind on work. And we have a meeting with Bahri coming up that I need to be prepared for." She looks so stressed.