finding permanence

14: Max

            I run my fingers through her hair as gently as possible and take in the calmness of her sleeping face.

When she told me about her mom and how she made her hate the wind, I felt like such a dick. I hate that I joked about it and made the situation worse for her.

Then I felt really pissed off. Pissed that her mom didn't feed her enough, pissed that she abandoned Sam, pissed that she was a shit excuse of a mother.

I genuinely don't understand how anyone would willingly leave her. When you're around her, she makes you feel so safe. Like I would never be afraid of her judging me for anything. She has a way of making every person she comes into contact with instantly comfortable.

She fell asleep about an hour ago, but I don't want to move because I don't want to risk waking her up. It was only when the wind started to die down that she was able to close her eyes.

My thumb finds the swell of her cheek, slightly grazing it. I replace my hand with my lips and place the softest kiss I can muster.

I smile when her nose scrunches at my action and she curls further into me. That smile quickly fades when my phone starts to ring. Shit.

I'm reaching for my back pocket and shut it off, but Sam wakes up in a jolt.

"What's happening?" She shoots up disoriented.

"I'm sorry, it's my phone. Go back to sleep Grumps." She rubs her eyes, half asleep, looking down at the hold I have around her waist.

I had forgotten about the call until my phone starts to ring yet again.

"I'm already awake, might as well answer it," Sam yawns.

I look down to see that my mom is calling. I get random calls from her weekly, and it's only about 9, so I'm not surprised to see that it's her.

"Hi mom," I say as I answer, sending an apologetic glance at Sam who just waves it off.

"Hi sweetie, just calling to check in on you. Are you feeling ok?"

"I'm alright. Getting into hockey season mode you know?"

"I'm so excited to watch the next game! Dad got those season passes, and your brother is already begging us to take him down to see you," she exclaims.

My brother is a junior in high school and decided to follow my lead in hockey goalie. He loves bragging to his team about going to my games, I've already gotten like 10 texts from him about it.

"Yeah, he's been asking me to plan a time where he can come down and practice with the team." He wants to be Daxton's goalie when he graduates. And by that time, I'll be playing for the Bruins. Hopefully.

"Are you still sad about Serena?" There it is. She asks about her every time she calls. When she found out that we broke up, she was devastated. She loves Serena and tried to convince me that we will eventually get back together.

I left out the part that Serena cheated on me when I told her about the breakup. If I disclosed that information, she would have a different mindset.

But I didn't want to ruin Serena's image in her eyes. Maybe that's because somewhere deep inside of me still cares about her, or maybe it's me clinging to something that I shouldn't.

"No mom, I'm fine." I don't want to get into it.

"Well, have you guys talked at all? How is she doing?"