Chapter Twenty One

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Chapter Twenty One. (Side Note; I can't believe I'm on Chapter 21 of this story! Thank you guys so much for reading <3; **TRIGGER WARNING** - this Chapter focuses on Charlie coming out to his Mother and without getting into too many details; I just feel like it deserves a warning because it's obviously not a good reaction)


Charlie:
"Mum, I need to talk to you."

I never wanted to take words back more in my entire life. Should I just make something up instead? I feel James' hand on my leg and look at him. I then look at my Dad who nods his head. It feels good to have them both in my corner.

"What is it Charlie?" She asks.

All of a sudden, I forget how to speak. I want to say words, but nothing is coming out. I'm frozen in fear.

"I've been wanting to talk to you, probably for awhile now. It's something that, I mean, I maybe should have, um, wow, usually I'm perfect at English and now I don't know how to speak."

Mum sits down next to me and grabs my hand.

"Sweetie, you know you can tell me anything."

Can I though? I see Dad get up and sit closer to us with James basically attached to me.

"I'm just scared you aren't going to see me the same way anymore."
"There's nothing you can tell me that would make me see you any other way."

She's lying. I feel it in my bones. She's nervous and I'm scared to death.

"I'm gay," I whisper so low that I'm unsure if she heard me.

She stands up in silence; she heard me. I'm not even sure if I should continue speaking.

"I've known this for awhile and I've been so scared," I begin, holding back tears. "But then I met Nick and well, we've been dating for a little bit now--"

She puts her hand up in the air.

"So this is because of Nick?"

I look at James and then back at my Dad.

"I was gay before I met Nick. I told James a couple of years ago and then Mia --"

She cuts me off again.

"Mia knows? Oh god, do Jane and Richard know too?"
"No, she wouldn't tell anyone --"
"And you've known for years?" She says as she looks at James. "You should have told me sooner, we could have --"
"Could have what Mum? There's not like a program or class or something that is going to change this --"

Again, she cuts me off.

"Nick is not allowed in this house anymore, do you understand me?"
"You're not making any sense," I say. "Are you going to forbid Erin to come over too? Or is Nick just not allowed here anymore because he's a guy and I'm dating him. I'm happy, why can't you be happy for me?"

She throws her hands up in the air and begins to pace back and forth. 

I knew it.

"I do not want you to hang out with Nick anymore; not here, not at his house, not at school. Putting all these ideas in your head --"

James slams his hands on the table and stands up.

"CHARLIE HAS ALWAYS BEEN GAY MUM. NICK DIDN'T "TURN" HIM OR WHATEVER YOU'RE TRYING TO IMPLY HERE. YOU HAVEN'T EVEN ACKNOWLEDGED WHAT HE TOLD YOU; ARE YOU KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW?"

The room falls silent.

She shakes her head as tears fall down her face.

"My son is not gay," she says as she walks out of the kitchen.

Dad and James follow her but I can't seem to even gather the strength to get up.

I knew it.

"DO YOU HEAR YOURSELF RIGHT NOW?" James screams.
"Why aren't you freaking out about this?!" I hear Mum exclaim, probably to my Dad.
"I found out last week and honestly, I don't see what the big deal is so long as our son is happy and a good person," he says.
"My son is not gay," she says sternly as she walks back into the kitchen.

"I want to you to tell Mia that you were confused. That it was a lapse of judgement, I don't care. Just tell her it's not true."

James comes running into the kitchen.

"Is your biggest concern right now the fact that people may find out about him being gay? How about the fact that your son has HELD THIS SECRET for years from you because he was terrified that you'd act EXACTLY HOW YOU ARE ACTING RIGHT NOW?!" James shouts.
"Son, watch your tone with your Mum," Dad says softly.
"I'm sorry Dad, but I won't. I know you've been great with him this past week and it's so amazing, but I was the one who was there for him all these years. I'm the one who listened to him sob about the fact that he was lying to you two about who he is. I'm the one who listened to the fear he had in just being who he is. I'm the one who listened to him tell me he'd rather die than have Mum find out because he was afraid of this outcome."

James walks over to Mum and looks her straight in the eye.

"You're not going to be able to take this back Mum. How you react to this is going to forever impact this family. And I'm sorry, if you say anything to Charlie that I'm not okay with, you're losing a son today."

She looks at James, then at Dad, and back at James.

"Then you lost a Mum, because I sure as hell lost a son," she says as she makes eye contact with me.
"I don't even know who you are right now," he says.
"I think you need to think about the repercussions of what you're saying right now," Dad says to Mum.
"I'm not even sure I want to talk to you right now. How did you know for a week and not tell me?"
"For what reason? To have you attack our sons a week earlier? Look Sandra, I love you but I don't like you much right now and I'm afraid of what you're going to say next. Maybe you should spend the night with Jane and Richard because you're not the woman I married right now."

I tried to keep it together but I couldn't any longer. I broke out into sobs.

"I'm sorry," I manage to say.
"You should be," Mum says as she walks out of the house. 

My mother, the one who ten minutes ago told me I could tell her anything and that nothing I say would ever change how she thinks of me, told me I'm not her son anymore. I bury my face into my hands and let the sobs consume me. Dad and James try to console me but it's no use, I am broken.



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