moonlight - louis patridge

( complications ) - 32

- Louis' Pov -

My heart was racing, y/n was on my chest. I think she's asleep, all pressed up against me. My face was burning with how much I was blushing.

I think back to the day, and how Ella said that y/n and I were flirting, or how I should make a move. I've been feeling this weird feeling for the past few weeks. I didn't know what it was, but I knew it was towards y/n.

I think I know now what it is, but I'm still unsure and a bit weirded out by it. I mean, everyone thinks about it. Ella, Matthew, Nick, our school. There's even an entire instagram account about y/n and I. Yes, it's clearly shipping us but I thought of them as jokes.

But now, I feel like it's more than just a joke. I was quiet the entire day because I was trying to process my thoughts. I guess Ella just gave me a reality check, and now it's slowly starting to hit me.

My train of thought brakes when I feel y/n move around. I hold my breath, trying my best not to make any sudden movements. A smile grows on my face when I look at how peaceful she looks, all cuddled up on my chest. I wrap my arm tightly around her, feeling warm inside.

The air was cold and brisk, but being so close to y/n made the coldness go away. She's so perfect.

Wait, I shouldn't be feeling this way. But why shouldn't I? I don't know what's happening to me. Y/n is just a friend who relies on me, that's all. She's just a girl who I helped on the first day of school, and she just happened to become my bestfriend. No, not bestfriend, just friend. Yes. Just friend.

A friend that you cuddle with at night? A friend that makes you blush? A friend that keeps you up at night because you think of her so much?

Get it together Louis. You're fighting with yourself in your mind. This is all in my mind.

I sigh at everything that I think of. I don't know if I like y/n, if I don't, I don't know if I want her to be more than my friend. There's just something that she does to me, and I don't know if I like it or if I hate it. Everything in my head is just so complicated right now.

Maybe I need some time away from y/n, maybe that will help me work things out. No, are you stupid? She needs you. No she doesn't, she's a strong person who is fully capable of taking care of herself. What am I thinking?

The girl who's on your chest right now is someone you want in your life, correct?

Yes, but-

So let her be in your life. Stop trying to push her away because of some minor feelings.

Feelings? I don't have feelings for y/n??

Are you sure?

What do you mean 'am I sure'? Yes I'm sure! She's just a friend, that's all.

"Louis!"

I slightly jump at the noise behind me. I hear Ella behind me so I turn around, careful of y/n. Ella waves at me as Matthew and Nick catch up to her. They walk up to the bench that y/n and I are sitting on.

"Louis where have you been? 30 minutes has gone by" Ella yelled

I hushed her, pointing at y/n on my chest. Her eyes widened and she looked at me with excitement

"you did it?!" she squealed

"did what?" I ask, confused

"you made a move!!" she squealed more

I sigh and roll my eyes.

"I didn't make a move, y/n just happened to fall asleep" I shrug

"and she just happened to fall asleep on your chest?" she smirk

before I could protest, y/n started moving around. she sat up and looked around for a moment, looked at me and smiled.

Butterflies swarmed in my stomach, I'm sure that my cheeks were red. How could she look so pretty after just waking up?

She then turned to look in front of us and saw Ella.

"Ella!" her face brightened up

Y/n stood up to give Ella and hug and while doing that, Ella and I held eye contact. I gave her a glare. Her screaming and squealing probably woke up y/n, disturbing our moment together.

y/n sat back down and looked at me. Her eyes drew me closer, her stare put me in a trance. I looked down to her lips, which were pink and soft. Sometimes I wonder what they would feel like on my lips..

I snap out of it, but y/n clearly hasn't. Her gaze pierced my eyes, my lips. Does she feel the same way I do? I see her finally blink and her eyes slightly widened. Her cheeks reddened and she turned away.

A small smile forms on my mouth, but I try to brush it off.

"okay, what was that." Ella announced.

I might've forgotten she was there, right infront of y/n and I when that entire thing just happened.

"yeah Louis, what was that?" Suddenly y/n stood up and turned around.

Ella and y/n were infront of me, standing there while I sat on the bench. Y/n's face was stern, her eyebrows were furrowed.

"what was what?" I ask, unsure of the sudden change in mood

y/n scoffed.

why is she scoffing? Did I do something wrong?

"you know, this entire thing we have going on" y/n continued

"what thing?" I ask, standing up and looking down on the both of them.

"the thing?!" her voice was slowly raising, she was mad

"I don't know what you're talking about" I sigh

y/n scoffs again and looks at me, confusion, annoyance, anger and even disappointment in her eyes.

"did I do something?" I ask, my voice softening

how did such a sweet moment between us turn into this? Moments ago y/n was on my chest, peacefully sleeping. But now we're yelling at each other for something that I don't know the reason for.

"Louis are you really that clueless?" she's says, hurt in her voice

something inside me shatters, hearing her voice break as her eyes tear up.

shit what did I do?

"can you just please tell me what I did wrong?" guilt filled me

I reach my hand out to hold her hand but she pulls away and looks at Ella. They somewhat motion to each other and they walk away, leaving me standing up alone.

I blink a few times, trying to understand the situation. I turn around and Ella and y/n are walking away. I see Matthew and Nick standing there too, confused looks on their faces.

I walk over to them, unsure of what happened.

"mate are you okay?" Nick asks, putting a hand on my shoulder

"what happened?" Matthew asked

Something inside me was missing, and I'm pretty sure it was y/n. I didn't know what I did, I didn't want to hurt her.

I think back to the previous times I've made her cry. Everything goes hot around me, I can hear my heart beat. I've hurt y/n so many times.

I don't deserve her.