pink flowers | billie eilish

twenty three

warning: mentions of self harm

holy mother of god.

jasmine
392 days before

billie and i haven't talked for the past week.

i tried texting her, knocking on her front door but it was always patrick or maggie who answered. they said billie's not doing well and she needs some time alone.

and i felt horrible.

i decided to sneek into her room through her window. not without her knowing, tho.

i got out of my car and went to knock on billie's window. i was scared at first that i'll knock on a wrong one, but you couldn't unsee the roses hanging on her walls.

after i knocked, i stood there awkwardly. for a whole minute i had no answer, until billie finally decided to at least look.

even though it was dark in her room, i could see she had been crying. "what are you doing here?" she quietly asked.

"i came to talk," i said honestly. "can you let me in?"

"you could've just knock on the door, you know," she dryly scoffed and helped me to get in through the window.

"i know, yeah. i wasn't in the mood for that," i told her. "soo, we should really talk," i said, sitting on the bed beside her.

"yeah," she whispered and sniffled. "look, this was all my fault. i overreacted and didn't let you talk. one stupid sentence shouldn't ruin what we have," she sighed. "i'm really sorry, baby,"

"don't blame it all on yourself," i put my hand on her knee softly. "it's okay. we're okay," i assured her.

"okay," she whispered and wrapped her hands around my neck, pulling me in for a hug. "i was so scared of losing you,"

"you'll never lose me," i kissed the side of her head and squeezed her tighter. "you're so special to me. remember that, okay?" i told her while pulling away. i took her wrist into my hand, stroking them with my thumbs softly.

when she settled through her teeth and pulled them away as a reflex, nausea washed over me.

it's not that i didn't know about her scars, i just hoped she wasn't doing it anymore.

"baby," i frowned. she stayed silent, looking down at her wrists with guilt. "look at me," i lifted her chin softly.

"it's okay," i whispered and opened my arms for her. she buried her face in my chest, shaky breaths leaving her mouth.

"i got you," i rubbed her back and sighed. "do you want to go to the mall maybe? it could lighten up your mood. we can get tacobell too," i offered. she nodded against my chest and pulled me closer to her.

she ended up laying on top of me, straddling my hips while i held her. we spent this time together for a few more minutes, before she said she was ready to go.

she changed into a skirt with an overzised sweather.

that outfit has me on my knees.

"you look pretty," i smiled softly as i watched billie put on a mascara. she looked down to hide her blush and looked into my eyes through the mirror.

"you think so?" she bit her lip.

"i do," i comfirmed. "so, i wanted to ask you something. would you.. want to go on another date with me? since the first one didn't go as planned?" i asked and pouted, waiting for her answer.

"ew stop looking at me like that," she cackled. "of course i want to," she comfirmed and turned around to wrap her hands around my neck.

i smiled and leaned in for a kiss. she gladly kissed me back, standing on her tippy toes to kiss me more passionately.

"i missed you," she breathed out and stroked my cheek with her thumb. "and i'm really sorry again,"

"stop with the apologizing, bil," i chuckled. "let's get you some food," i patted her ass, making her blush and giggle.

we went to my car and drove to the mall as i promised.

"so, you can buy practically whatever you want," i informed billie when we arrived. "unless you want to eat first,"

"no i'm okay. we can get food later," billie smiled. "and i can buy things myself, you know?"

"i do know, but i wanna buy it for you," i told her. she softly pouted and i pecked her lips.

"oh! let's go here," she pointed at victoria's secret. "i need to get more sets, and you will help me choose," she smirked and dragged me into the store.

"hell yeah," i bit my lip. the first thing billie went for was a red lacy thong with a matching bra. she raised her eyebrows at me when she reached for it. "yes," i nodded without any hesitation.

billie chuckled and interlocked our fingers together. "this would look perfect on you," i pointed at a light blue set.

"yeah?" she asked. "okay," she shrugged and grabbed her size.

we ended up choosing 5 sets, she was now in the changing room. i didn't expect to see her in them today until she peeked her head out of the door.. "wanna see?" she smirked.

"i- i mean, of course i do but are you sure?" i stuttered. she nodded and pulled me in by my hand.

my eyes fell down almost immediately. her body was gorgeous, and i made sure she was aware.

"you like it?" she asked softly, took my arms and wrapped them around her waist, my hands resting on her stomach.

"i love it," i rested my chin on her shoulder and stroked her belly with my thumbs. "you're the prettiest," i told her. even though i didn't want to, i noticed her wrists. full of band-aids, some scars were old, some visibly fresh.

when she noticed my stare, she crossed her arms and hid them. "no," i whispered. "you're beautiful. they're beautiful, and every scar shows how strong you are,"

she softly smiled at me through the mirror and kissed the side of my head.

"and i'm so sorry about staring. i swear i didn't mean to," i apologized truthfully.

"i know it's hard to miss. it's okay," she said. "now get out, i'll change into another set," she winked and pushed me out.

long story short, she looked absolutely stunning in every set, we made out a few times and we were almost kicked out.

i don't regret any of it.

🌸

a/n:

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

i wanted to thank everyone who reads my book!

i don't uderstand why is my book getting so many reads suddenly, but i'm so grateful and i love you guys🫶🏻