pink flowers | billie eilish

thirteen

jasmine
428 days before

the whole barbecue was really fucking awkward.

i didn't mean for the flirting to look like seducing or some shit, finneas made it sound worse than it ever was.

we both knew what we were doing, but there was still a playful mood in the air, we didn't mean it completely serious.

i just hope billie's parents aren't mad at me, or something.

we sat and ate in silence until billie let out a sigh and spoke up. "okay, i want you guys to know what finneas is saying isn't true. we were just having fun in the pool, so please ignore what he said," she told them. billie's parents looked at each other with raised eyebrows and began to eat again without commenting.

"can this stop being so awkward? we didn't do anything, mom. we're just being teenagers, so please, can you stop making it a bigger deal than it is?" she pleased. i could tell she was frustrated and this situation was getting on her nerves.

"it's alright, billie. we just don't know what to say," patrick said.

"i dunno, ask some questions or tell a story so we aren't eating in silence," she rolled her eyes.

the following hour, billie's parents were asking me simple questions until we finished eating. billie seemed annoyed the whole time, i will ask her later about it.

"let's go to my room now," she dryly told me and took my hand, pulling me with her. i quickly thanked billie's parents for the food and let billie lead me wherever she wanted to go.

when we got to her room, she pulled me in and locked the door, making my eyebrows rise. "what's up?" i asked.

"i'm sorry for finneas," she simply said. "i was having fun and now my mood is ruined because of him, i don't know,"

"it's okay," i chuckled and cupped her cheek. "the main thing is that we had fun. ignore finneas, i bet he was just jealous,"

"for sure," she snorted. "i don't get it tho. we didn't almost fuck, what's wrong with him?" she frowned and looked down at her feet.

"maybe it looked like that from his point of view," i sighed. "it doesn't matter, bil. it's alright,"

"yeah i know," she nodded. we kinda stood there just staring at each other, there was a tension in the air that i didn't experience with billie yet.

"you're so pretty; it's unbelievable," i smiled softly and stroked her cheek with my thumb.

"shush," she blushed. "you are pretty, not me,"

"accept the compliment," i narrowed my eyes at her. she scoffed with a goofy smile on her face and mumbled "thank you,"

my eyes drifted down to her lips, then back to her eyes. she did the same, and without thinking it through i leaned forward.

she did too; though she pulled away before our lips could touch. she cleared her throat and closed her eyes for a brief moment.

"uh- i need to change to my normal clothes, i'll be back," she stuttered and scratched the back of her neck and left the room, leaving me stunned.

what the hell?

if she didn't want to kiss me, why did she even lean in?

i frowned and went to my bag for my clothes. i quickly changed and sat on the bed, waiting for billie to come back.

she came back after a few minutes, and didn't dare to look into my eyes. "do you wanna watch something?" she asked and sat beside me.

"sure," i mumbled and leaned against the hoverboard. she searched through netflix and put on survivor.

"this okay?" she questioned. i nodded and tried to not think about the awkward moment we had. she put her head on my shoulder and her hand went around my waist. "i'm sorry," she whispered.

"you have nothing to be sorry about. don't worry about it," i promised her and rubbed her hip softly.

"okay,"

i remembered one thing that my mom actually helped me with.

things won't be awkward if you don't make them awkward.

this moment is awkward, but it's better to act like nothing happened than to be distant from each other or some shit.

god, today is embarrassing.

————————

billie

i did want to kiss her.

knowing myself well enough, that kissing in a bikini would not end up with just making out. and, i promised myself i'll be careful with my hormones around her because of the rumor.

i get it's just a rumor, it could not be true at all, but when i saw the looks girls give to jasmine in the school hall, it's convincing me that it is true.

jasmine mostly ignores them, but the next day i noticed hickeys all over her neck.

it's been a little over a month since it last happened.

it's not like i care or something, but i don't wanna be her another toy. if she wants anything with me, we need to be in a healthy relationship first, where i will trust her and know i'm not a fuck toy to her.

i wouldn't say this if she wasn't so touchy and flirty with me, i can see the look in her eyes that i know well from the guys at school.

i don't mind it from her, that is what's strange about it. i like it, and it makes me feel things i didn't want to feel from the beginning.

i've been played a lot of times; i was being a dumb teenager who just wanted some kind of love. i think i learned.

"bil? are you sleeping?" jasmine asked me, distracting me from my overthinking.

"no, just resting my eyes," i said in a low voice.

"you can sleep, baby," she chuckled. "i'll be here when you wake up,"

"you promise?" i looked up at her, watching her nod. "okay," i whispered, got more comfortable in jasmine's arms, and slowly fell asleep.

i felt her place a kiss on my forehead and tighten her hands around me.

lord help me now.

🌸

a/n:

heyyyy guys :))

anything you have to say??