Chapter 32 - Drowning

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I was drowning

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I was drowning.

Drowning in my guilt and stupidity.

After Mateo told me about my mother's murderer, the person who I had protected since day one, I haven't been able to move from the spot my numb parts and limbs sat in. Right, this spot. A freezing, icy cold cell is the place I'm inside of right now. Our conversation and confessions from yesterday, even the lies we figured out by ourselves, put me in the hole that I am currently rotting in.

He couldn't trust me, and frankly, I don't blame him. What I did and thought was the best to do, was nothing but wrong.

Alan had tricked me and made me think he wanted to help his sister, Nova, and me. When in reality he probably just wanted to kill us for joining his enemy's side. At least that is what's been brewing in this problematic brain of mine for the last couple of hours, maybe even more. Not that I didn't already figure everything else out. It was only this one particular topic that I isolated myself from trying to connect the dots.

But why did his reason matter?

He still did what he did.

And the worse part about this situation is that the entire time I played blindsided by his games. That excuse of a human killed my mom and all the signs and clues were right under my nose, mocking me as I made horrible choices for the past few months. The gun I saw when holding my lifeless and wounded parent had his letter carved into it. Wait, I thought it was an L and an I? Yeah, no. My salty tears and swollen face prevented me from seeing the real name, the letter 'A' chipped apart.

Damn emotions, am I right? Who would've guessed that's the cause of my failure?

And there was more I missed as well.

Like how Alan stood in all-black clothing at the back of the crowd, observing me from afar. As I cradled my bloody heart and soul in my arms. The memory made me cringe in my seat from how sad and painful it was to think about.

The list goes on and on, he manipulated me, lied, backstabbed, faked our friendship, and more. I wanted to make him pay, I needed to see him bleeding as she did. This was exactly what I wished for then and it is exactly what I wish for now. But the only issue keeping that from happening is me being stuck in a cell and locked up for the consequences.

I failed you mom, I failed my friends, I failed my school for being the worst detective, and I failed the one man who needed me. God, the last part stung worst than the rest and it's so clear why.

We both trusted each other, we both needed one another, and we both were inseparable for a moment. I betrayed him and he betrayed me. Perhaps if he had revealed the information he gave last night months before, I wouldn't have done anything to help Alan. Sage's blood wouldn't have mattered the second I found out he murdered my world. He'd probably be buried or burned by now from the destruction he's emitted.

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐌𝐚𝐟𝐢𝐚'𝐬 𝐃𝐞𝐭𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞 ✔️Where stories live. Discover now