Beyond The Music

Chapter Thirty Seven - Steven

"How many points is that now?" I dribbled the ball and made a shot while she continued to block me from the hoop.

I watched the ball as it balanced on the edge of the ring for a second before falling in. Giving me another point.

"It's 16 against 18. You're losing, as predicted," she laughed softly and snatched up the ball.

"That's not fair. I never would have agreed to play with you if I knew you were this good. Was this your plan all along?"

She smiled while holding the ball between her hands out in front of her. "Has anyone ever told you that you're a very sore loser, Stevie? But no, this wasn't part of any plan; I just wanted to play a game of basketball and you wanted to make things right, so why not put them both together? It seemed fair," she gave a small shrug and glanced into the darkness of the bleachers before turning back to me.

"So, watching me lose against you was just a spur of the moment, kind of thing? I'm not sure I believe you."

"Well, if you don't believe me then that's your problem but yes, it was."

"Alright then but can I ask you a question?"

"You already did but go ahead."

I swallowed hard to clear my throat and smiled, "What did Keira say to you before you agree to walk with me? You know, when you seemed to blush slightly and shake your head or whatever?"

She looked at her feet for a second before smiling slightly and shaking her head, just like she did back in the gym but without the slight blush. "She told me that if I didn't go with you, then she'd...if I refused then she'd decipher the Spanish song in my book for you, right in front of me, and loud enough for everyone nearby to hear."

I raised an eyebrow and smiled. "Is it that bad that you don't want to tell me? Oh, come on, I promise I won't judge."

She shook her head and smiled shyly.

"No, it's not bad or anything. It's just...I'm not ready for anyone to hear it yet. But, if...you're still around when it's done and ready to be heard...then, I'll consider singing it for you."

I frowned slightly and stopped what I was doing. "Why wouldn't I be around? Are you planning on driving me away or something?"

She gave a small shake of her head and smiled. "I just meant that...if you still wanted to stick around after all of this, you know, after this whole thing has righted itself or changed for the better, then maybe you'd want to...Oh, I don't know how to explain it but you understand what I'm saying right because right now, this is super awkward for me."

I shook my head and frowned. "No, Mika. I don't understand so, please try and explain what you're talking about because I'm getting confused."

She lowered her shoulders slightly and blew out a long breath before finally speaking in a quiet voice. "What I'm trying to say, Steven is that I don't want to think that you would want to leave, okay. I don't like the idea of you not being here. Whether it be because you actually left or because you're just over all of this and can't stand to be near me anymore, I just don't like it. Not one little bit and I thought that I would be okay during the time that you hated me but I was wrong because I wasn't. Can we please just get back to the game and drop it, please? I don't want to talk about this anymore."

I frowned slightly and ran a hand into my hair slowly.

"Mika, I promise I won't leave. I know you don't want to talk about it but it'll help if you just get everything off your chest and let it out."

She shook her head and closed her eyes slightly.

"Look how well that turned out last time, remember. I slipped up and made you go all crazy on me and then to top it all off, I proved your stupid theory about me when I got all psychotic and hit you before storming out. I even threw Malcolm against the wall for nothing on my way to see my dad. I knew I had issues but I'd never really considered myself to be...abusive or anything, you know. I knew I was a bitch and everything because of the way I treated people in my aggressive state of mind but abusive...I never even thought about it that way before." she paused for a few seconds before continuing with a grim expression. "You were right, you know, back in the music room...about how I'd never understand what it felt like to lose my family overnight or become an orphan. To be honest, I don't actually think I'd survive getting over something like that. I'd probably throw myself off a bridge again or something because I wouldn't be able to handle it. Even in the long run, losing everyone would be...too much. I can't really do anything in the way of sympathising with how you feel, Steven but I'll still be here if you ever need to talk about it or anything. Being abusive and a psychotic bitch doesn't mean that I have to be heartless person, you know. Somewhere in here," she tapped her finger on her chest just below the edging of the material of her dress with a sad smile, "is a heart. Sometimes it's just hard to see but it's still there. Even when I don't want it to be."