Dealer | -Eddie Munson

I hate myself for loving u

Eddie Munson

I step out of the building, which I have been doing every Monday for the past four years of my life. Every time I'm there, I feel sick. Once I'm out it is like I can breathe again, I close my eyes for a moment before stepping off the sidewalk. I inhale deeply before letting go of the air through my mouth, letting my mind be distracted by the sound of the birds singing and the cars on the road.

Once I feel my heartbeat slowing down, I open my eyes again, then step off the sidewalk, directing myself towards where I parked the minivan in the morning. There were more cars than when I arrived, but I always remember where do I leave the van so it was no problem to spot it. Getting in the driving seat, as soon as I closed the door, there was silence.

My eyes get glassy to the point a tear rolls down my cheek, I hate this place. But I wasn't quite sure if I was crying for that reason or something else like...her.

I wanted to get mad every time I thought about what happened, but I couldn't. That's what frustrated me more.

I hit the steering wheel with my hands, in frustration. Heavy sighting before introducing the key into the car to turn on the motor and putting the gear lever in reverse.

I found myself driving back to Hawkins with a cigarette resting on my lips, sucking the living shit of the cigarette in my mouth to then blow the smoke through my nose. Velocity didn't seem to have an end, since the needle that marks the speed was up to the top and would not move from there.

I try to stop thinking about her, but I can't.

I didn't go to school today, because I didn't want to see her. I haven't even been in the trailer park, I've been leaving in my van trying to avoid her.

When we met at the place in the woods, I'll admit I was using Chrissy to make Hanna mad, and I don't feel any good about it. I gave Hanna a taste of her own medicine, if I can call it like that. Because that's how I felt when I saw she left the party with Steve. I felt used.

After Hanna left me and Chrissy on the bench, there was a long, uncomfortable silence. Chrissy tried to ask me what happened between the two of us but I was like a tomb. I didn't say a word about that, I just gave her what she came for in that place. Drugs. Then I left.

Someone calling my name took me out of my thoughts, making me realize how I almost drove off to the woods.

Holly shit!

Once I gain control, I blindly look for the radio on the floor of the passenger seat.

Damn it, where is it? There was a lot of fast food I've been eating through the last few days and some dirty clothes too.

I'ma mess.

As I seem to grab something large, I bring it close to me. Found it!

I press the button. "What?" I answered whoever was calling me.

"Wow, I thought you were dead, man," Gareth said with his sarcastic tone.

"Yeah I'm alive, what do you want Gareth?" As obvious it is, I haven't talked to him or the other boys of the hellfire club. I haven't even been in the rehearsals of Corroded Coffin, I don't even know if I'm still part of the band with as much I've been absent.

"Where have you been, Eddie?" He asks. "I just wanted to see if you were okay. We are going to the auto cinema later on if you want to go." Gareth changes the subject since he knows I will not talk about what's happening unless I want to.

I put the radio in between my legs. Then I turn the door lever to lower the window glass, throwing the cigarette to the road.

With one hand driving, I take the radio in my hand again and press the button.