Dealer | -Eddie Munson

That's what 'friends' are for

Ruby and I stayed in our mother's room, what was left of the night. Ruby fell asleep as soon as we were under the covers, while I kept looking at the window all night. A Million thoughts going through my mind to fall asleep. I was feeling guilt, sadness, anger. But the one I felt most was loneliness, more than I ever felt in my entire life.

I felt guilt and sadness because I put all of us in this situation.

Anger toward my mother, not because of the fact she left, but the fact that she left Ruby behind. For the love of god she is only six years old, and my mother left her without any explanation, just with a note. When Ruby barely reads a sentence.

Loneliness because it seems like everything I touch I ruin it at one point...

The sun finally came up to what felt like a forever night even though it was raining. I got up from the bed without waking up Ruby. I went to the bathroom, turning on the flicker, I met with my reflection in the mirror over the sink. I had dark circles under my eyes, my skin was pale as a ghost, my hair a mess. Not only did I look like trash, I felt like one too.

I stopped looking at my reflection and grabbed my toothbrush to put some toothpaste in it. Brushing my teeth to then get out of the bathroom. I direct myself to the kitchen, I need to feed Ruby with something because I don't think she ate something last night. As I opened the fridge, there was only a carton of milk.

Of course, Jared must have eaten everything in this damn trailer.

I take out the milk, placing it on the counter. I head to the cupboard to see if we still have some cereal left. The box of cereal looked untouchable, or that's what it looked like until I shook it to see how much was left. There was only enough for one plate.

My guts are roarin. I'm starving since I did not want to eat any of the gross food from the hospital.

Doesn't matter, Ruby goes first. I prepared the cereal, then placed the carton of milk and the cereal now empty in the trash can.

Ruby was still asleep when I took a seat beside her. I caressed her head to make her get a little conscious.

"Ruby, wake up." I say just loud enough for her to hear me.

She hid her head in the pillow and then turned to look at the ceiling of the room. Little by little, she opened her eyes until the light was no longer shining on her. Ruby noticed the bowl of cereal in my hand so she seated up and I handed her the bowl.

Like I'd expected, she devoured  the cereal, meaning she didn't have anything for dinner.

As she was almost finishing, I put a strand of hair that was on her face behind her ear to have her attention.

"We need to get some groceries, so when you finish your breakfast, please take a shower." Ruby nodded to my words.

Ruby did as I said and when I was taking a shower I realized something I didn't think about before. Walking to the market with Ruby then with the groceries in my arms while I have to watch her will be impossible, even if she stays by my side, the market is far from the trailer park. I'll have to carry her in the middle of the way. Plus it's been raining all day, light rain but still.

Any the only two people I can ask them for help with, I treat them like trash yesterday.

I guess I'll have to take Steve's words, even if the last thing I want to do is tell him about my mother and make him worry more about me.

—-

Robyn and Steve came to the trailer. Robyn almost tackled me as soon as she saw me and made me promise I would never scare her the way I did yesterday, writing it in a paper with my blood. Robyn ended up staying in the trailer to take care of Ruby while Steve and I went for the groceries.