DON'T LEAVE ME, spencer reid [DISCONTINUED]

37

i'm tired of feeling like
i'm fucking crazy

Yelena was sat at her usual desk, bored out of her mind as she didn't know what to do.

She so badly wanted to continue her private investigating to find Ruby.

Should she tell Hotch she had come up with something to go home and work further on the case?

Or should she just suck it up and go on with her paperwork like everyone else?

Why should she get any special treatment?

She's just like everyone else, just an employee.

Questions raced through her mind, not work related. Of course.

She thought about Ruby.

Why wasn't she out to find clues?

Ruby was far more important than her job. She would never admit it, of course.

But he was, a little kid that meant so much to her.

Her mind brought up memories, happy ones for a change.

She thought about all the moments they spent together.

The time where she threw him a birthday party at the bar with V and Malcolm's help.

Or the time she taught him how to fight, tackling him to the ground as he laughed.

She wanted to leave the walls that trapped her in her desk to go out and find him.

Hug him, maybe. Or just... be in his presence.

Even though they had their ups and downs, the two always made up at the end of the day in their own ways.

And she absolutely loved that.

How they could bond over things like their parents, gossiping over his classmates or her colleagues as they ate ice cream.

It was her favorite thing in the world.

She couldn't even put into words how much he meant to her.

But she never even said it to him, how much he meant for her.

"Knock, knock." She heard a voice speak.

"You can just knock, saying it is fucking ridiculous." Yelena retorted with a monotone voice.

Penelope nodded, "Uh, just wondering if you wanted to get lunch with me." Penelope asked her with a kind smile.

"Uh, yeah. Sure." Yelena muttered as she stood up.

"So where do you wanna go?" Yelena asked as they began walking out the office.

"Uh, I was thinking we'd go to the diner, the only one who's not too far. Why? Do you have something in mind?" Penelope stopped in her tracks as she looked at Yelena who shook her head.

"Okay." Penelope muttered as she continued walking, the duo reaching the elevator.

Yelena pressed on the button as she stood with an unreadable expression as they waited for the doors to open.

As the doors opened, Yelena sighed as the both of them walked in.

The doors closed after them as they waited in an awkward silent.

"Are you sure you're fine?" Penelope asked hesitantly with a nervous voice.

"Yeah, Pen'. I'm fine, fucking fantastic." Yelena replied with a firm tone.

As the elevator doors revealed the exit, Yelena was the first one to walk out.

Penelope sensed something was wrong. Deeply wrong.

But she knew how Yelena would react if she just kept asking.

So she was getting lunch with a ticking time bomb.

And she didn't know how to feel about it.

She only hoped for Yelena to finally spill and tell her what bothered her so much.

Or if anything bad had happened, maybe.

They headed out of the building, opting to go for a walk since it was so close to the office.

The walk was silent and awkward, for Penelope at least.

Yelena, on the other hand, felt it was too loud. Her thoughts rambling in her head was too loud.

-

"So, what are you craving?" Penelope asked, looking over the menu. "Just a..." Yelena looked over the menu.

Although she was scanning the menu, she felt something pull her gaze as she looked out the window.

And for a second, it looked like... her sister.

Her ginger hair laying on her shoulders as she looked at Yelena with a piercing gaze.

She had her hands in her pockets as she tilted her heads, looking at Yelena as if telling her to come to her.

A bus came riding by rapidly, her sister disappearing in a swift second.

And there she sat, her gaze still on the sidewalk where her sister just stood.

Yelena turned back to Penelope in a second, "Just a coffee. Yeah." She nodded as Penelope muttered an 'okay'.

All sounds seemed to blur out as the waiter walked by their table, taking their order.

The image of Ruby standing at the counter at the ice cream parlor replaying in her mind.

Her sister on the sidewalk.

Her boyfriend getting shot on a roof as his body fell off the building.

It was too much.

Her breathing began getting heavier by each breath she took.

She tugged at her top as she her breath hitched.

"Hey, are you okay?" Penelope asked her.

Yelena ignored them, only hearing the pulsing of her heart in her ears as she slid away from the booth, making her way out of the diner.

Chattering, left and right.

Cars honking.
People shouting.
Her heart pulsing.

Everything built up on a pile. And she was a ticking bomb underneath it all.

It was all too much. It was too heavy.

Her emotions rambled as she didn't even know what she felt.

She never actually did know what she felt.

She was just used to it. Until she walked on the road.

"Fuck!" She exclaimed, her feet carrying her as her head was somewhere else.

The sounds of people shouting at her to get off the road was blurred out as she carried on with her steps.

Blinding lights warned her to get away. But she didn't. She couldn't.

She felt her head spinning as she held it with both hands.

Everything around her was going by too fast, the world spinning.

Her eyes began closing as she felt her body close up on her.

She felt her breath hitch in the wind as she was caught in a pair of strong arms.

A car drove by, someone shouting insults at her.

"Crazy bitch!" Someone yelled.

"Hey, calm down, man." She heard an all too familiar voice speak.

It certainly couldn't be...

Or could it?...