Baby Barton

Chaper 105 Chloe Barton

The sound of whirring and beeping machines disturbs you. Fighting hard against your eyes you try to prise them open in the harsh fluorescent light that beams down on you uncomfortably.
Your eyes roll in the back of your head trying to focus on staying open.
Then you're hit with a sudden wave of panic, reaching for the IV that's strapped to the inner crease of your arm.
You feel a hand grabbing your wrist, your eyes focusing on your brother's face.
"It's just fluids Chlo, it's just fluids," Clint repeats hushing you reassuringly.
He covers the cannula with his hand, "Tony wouldn't let them give you anything, they just sedated you to let you rest and heal."
His eyes are burdened with worry, again.
You bring your hand to your throat remembering Bucky's viced grip choking the life out of you, wincing at the memory of the sound of your windpipe being crushed you force a swallow. Screwing up your face in agony as the swollen muscles contract, Clint pulls up a chair next to you giving you his best, 'everything's okay' smile.
But how could it be?
You got hurt again.
Got in the way, again.
And what's worst of all is that Bucky has one more thing to feel guilty about, he didn't need that burden.
It wasn't his fault, but he wouldn't see it that way.

"How do you feel?" Clint asks softly.
You're too afraid to speak.
"You've been sedated for a week, you should be able to talk now." He reassures you with a smile.
You take a slow deep breath, "I'm o-okay." You hear it yourself, the raspy strain but you hope that it will ease.
"What about Tony?" You whisper not wanting to place too much stress on your voice.
The memories begin to flood your mind, "Sam and Steve?" Your attempt to pull back on sobs short-lived as big fat tears swell in your eyes.
The painful emotion pressing against your throat.
Hard and deserving.
"B-bucky?" You sob out unable to hold on any longer.
Clint sweeps hair away from your face, he reaches for the cup of water on the tray beside him and puts the straw to your mouth, you take the cup in your hand and sip slowly. 
"Bartons and our strays huh? You're always so concerned about helping those who hurt you." He chuckles.
You've been on the opposite end of that guilt, you've done the hurting, caused the pain and you know what it's like to be paralysed by the guilt once the dust settles.
And if Tony, Nat, Steve, Bruce, and Thor hadn't taken a chance on you then who knows where you'd be.
Still in jail.
They were able to see past your mistakes and flaws and love you in spite of them.
So why wouldn't you pass that same kindness on?
"Here... the kids got you this." Clint attacks you playfully with a toy alligator.
"Ow! Don't make me laugh! I'm in pain." On the surface and deep inside.
How has it come to this?
Clint sits back down sighing as he runs his hands over his face, "how have we ended up here again Chlo?" Before his tears can fall he wipes them away, "you can't stay out of trouble."

You shuffle in the bed turning on your side to face him properly, "hey! It's your fault I got this job remember. And don't think I haven't realised that you didn't answer my questions."
You narrow your eyes at him staring intently.
"Everyone's good, all accounted for. As for Bucky...well I uh don't know much about that." He mouths, 'he's okay.' Tapping his ears he points around the room.
Of course, Ross would have it bugged.
No privacy for anyone. Especially you.
You blow through a stream of tears unable to decide if it's fear or relief you're feeling. Probably a bit of both.
"Okay." Your voice quivering, "okay." You repeat.
"Okay." You say it once more, Clint slides his arm under your head gently pulling you into his chest.
"Hey...do you want me to get a doctor?" He rambles.
"I'm good." You pant out struggling to catch your breath, "I just need a distraction."

Clint pulls out his arm and begins pacing, "you have no business being in this crew Chloe, retire. We'll get you a normal job, you can live on the farm with us." He pleads, "every time that phone rings I'm terrified."
You hate seeing him like this.
"Please Chloe, I can't lose you. We're all we got." He sits back down, relieved to get it off his chest.
"This crew is the only thing I have going for me." Your eyes well up again, "without them what am I? An ex-con, a junkie..."
Clint wipes away the perpetual tears that flush down your cheeks, "but what is it what you want? How many times are you going to get hurt?"
He pulls back his own sob, "when will it be enough for you?"
He's breaking your heart. You can tell that he wants so badly for you to have a normal life. You can sense his own guilt for bringing this into your life.
What he doesn't realise is that this life is home to you.
When you had run away, it's all you craved.
"All I ever wanted to was to be accepted, to be loved." Your bottom lip trembles at the sound of your own truth.
And they loved you, every one of them. And you loved them equally in return, if not more.
You were content with being able to keep Clint away, he had much more to lose than anyone else. So now he could be safe with his family. And you would do everything in your power to keep them that way.

***

You must have dozed off, your eyes open to see Clint resting by your bedside with his nose stuffed in a trashy magazine.
"Hey." You croak.
"I'm just reading these bullshit magazines, do girls really like this shit?" He scoffs.
"It's our bread and butter." You cough out clearing your froggy throat.
"Listen to this, 'Lovers Edition.'" He wiggles his eyebrows. "And there's a quiz at the end!"

He turns the pages while you look on at him thankful for being given the chance to re-build the trust and bond with him.
"Ten signs that he's into you..."
You try hard once again to hold onto the emotion, thinking about the only man you've ever loved. The one you hurt the most. You listen to Clint as he continues.
"He looks you in the eye when he speaks."
Steves's deep blue eyes flash across your mind and a bursting sob ripples through you. Your breath hitching as you struggle to contain it.
You want so badly to go back to the way things were with him.
You miss it.
You miss him.
"Which brings me to your visitor...and trust me when I say he's into you." Clint wipes away your tears once more.

Your heart skips a beat at the sight of him as he walks through the door, you want him more than anything. You don't have the strength to fight against your heart anymore.
Clint excuses himself, Steve taking his place on the seat next to you.
"Hey, how are you feeling?" He takes your hand in his, gently rubbing his thumb along the back of it.
"I'm done." You choke out.
It's time to give up and stop being so stubborn.
You have always felt less than worthless, never knowing where you fit, not understanding where your heart lay.
But it was time to change that.
You were deserving of this, of him.
Steve chuckles nervously, "What do you mean?" Looking down at your face, his eyes heavy with sorrow.
"I'm done pretending, I'm done shielding myself from you."
Steves's face falls still as he opens his mouth to interrupt you.
You hold your hand up weakly.
"Please let me finish... please. I'm a mess Steve, and I'm always going to be a mess." You inhale sharply, "but if you're willing to take a chance on me then I'm willing to let you. I love you, Steve." You wipe your face dry, "always have."
Steve pulls himself as close as he can get, his own tears tumbling down his cheeks.
He purses back a wide smile.
"I love you, Chloe Barton, always will."