Baby Barton

Chapter 84 Chloe Barton

A/N: Drop a little vote and some feedback if you can.  I have a new story called Who The Hell Is Stephanie, and another in the early stages call Maid For Who...ideally I'd like to finish this first.  So motivate me please HAHA!  Love you all.

You sit across the table from Bucky in the shittiest little diner you've ever been in, and you have been in a lot of shitty places. He brought you here to sober up and to hide from the crowd that you both drew attention to, maybe he was right after all going out drinking probably wasn't the best idea. Because now you have the itch.
You look up shamefully from your mug of coffee, your gaze falls on Bucky. You never quite noticed how blue his eyes were, not they are ocean blue but not like Steve's, his were like crystal blue. Bucky's are darker, almost steel blue surrounded by thick fluffy eyelashes. He really is beautiful.
He clears his throat, "why are you staring at me like that?" he tries his best but a smile flickers in the corner of his mouth, he stares back. His brooding eyes drill into you.
"You really are fucking hot you know that right?" You sway popping a fry into your mouth, "you should smile more Bucky, you have a beeeaaautiiiiful smile." You lick salt off your fingertips.
You know you have had way too much to drink and now the truth monster has taken over you. Incoherent Chloe is not sober Chloe's friend, more like worst enemy.
Bucky tries to conceal an embarrassed smile twisting his lips he looks down at the bowl of fries in front of him, "just drink your coffee and eat your fries." He signals to the waitress for a refill on his own coffee.
You chuckle at the glimpse of fluffy Bucky being dragged back in by grumpy Bucky, "always so serious, just like my Steve." Saying his name out loud brings a bitter sting to the surface of your heart, your words hurt Bucky too because the little smile he had etched on his face falls into a grimace.

"I wasn't always this serious, Steve and I...well I used to-" tears brim in his eyes, he takes a swig of his coffee to try and wash them back unable to finish his sentence.
Desperate to know more about their life together, pre serum... you clear your throat, "have you had a girlfriend since the forties?" you ask bluntly.
"my mind was never my own, pretty much think I was a robot there for ninety years." His face reddens, you feel a pang of guilt for embarrassing him.
"I imagine Steve must have done well, being Captain America after all." He presses trying to take the focus away from him and back onto Steve.
You love and hate talking about him.
But the overwhelming guilt consumes you. You wonder what he is doing now, right this very moment.
"He said that I was his first since Peggy Carter," you make a face at her name, its well known that you are not a fan of the Carter clan. Especially the newer generation.
You blow away a whimper, "I've probably scared him off women for life." Scoffing you take a sip of your drink trying to disguise your pain.
God, you need a hit really bad.
"Do you still love him?" Bucky locks eyes with you, his question shocks you.
You don't know what the right or wrong answer is here, you thought you did but what kind of life can you give him? He is so imacculately perfect and you aren't. You are everything everyone ever told you, you were. You are utterly worthless, and completely selfish.
Tears well in your eyes, "I'm better off alone." You take another gulp of coffee to distract yourself from the crippling pain.
"You really think your worthless?" Bucky tilts his head to the side a sad expression written across his face.
You don't want to come across as feeling sorry for yourself, you can't help the way you feel.
"I just don't deserve any one, I'm too selfish." You throw your arms out.
You ran away, left everyone behind thinking you're dead. Leaving them to deal with the aftermath of you while you start a new, life with Bucky. Is life the right word? Probably not.
Bucky shakes his head, "you're not selfish." He softly breathes his eyes beginning to gloss over, "you put yourself in front of Steve," he looks ahead remembering the crunch of bones under his fist, you can hear them too, "I think you're brave Chloe."
He heaves a sigh, "I think you're...I have to go-" he stands up and abruptly storms off towards the diner door.
"Buck? Where are you going?" you trail off the diner door slams closed before you can finish.
What the hell was that?

***

Bucky sits on his mattress on the floor of your apartment, his head being held up by his hands.
"Bucky?" you whisper cautiously.
He looks up at you through his eyes barely meeting yours, "I don't know what I'm supposed to say." You fall to your knees focusing your gaze on his. You can see the struggle in his eyes.
Placing a hand on his shoulder you wipe a stray tear from his cheek with your other hand, "say what Bucky? I don't understand." You invite an answer.
He simpers at you softly, "why can't you hate me? You should hate me you know."
"I hate the Winter Soldier, and I sure as shit hate Sharon Carter. But I don't hate you Bucky, you are different." You shuffle closer to him, edging yourself onto his mattress.
He stands up sharply avoiding you, "I am and always will be The Winter Soldier." He snaps, his eyes glisten with tears, his mouth firmly set in a thin line.
You stare at the broken man in front of you, unable to find words.
He clears his throat turning his back on you, "you need to leave Chloe. Whatever this is... its over. I can't look after you any longer." His mouth spits the words at you, but his eyes tell a different story.
You choke back sobs but nod your head in agreement. You are so used to be pushed away you accept without protest.
"Can I have a few days to sort everything out?" you mumble through a broken whimper.
Bucky gulps heading towards the bathroom, "guess so. It's time you grew up Chloe." His words cut you deeply, you thought you had grown.
"Go home to them, go home to Steve." He slams the bathroom door causing you to jump.

Tears flow down your cheeks, another person who can't stand to be around you. Soon there won't be anyone left.