CHASING YOU || JIKOOK ✅

1

Jungkook pov

I rolled over in bed and grabbed the phone from my night stand to check the time. It was just a little after 5 a.m.

I didn't need to be up for another hour, but I knew I wouldn't be able to go back to sleep. So, I laid there.

Staring up into the darkness.

Thinking. I broke up with Natalie a couple of days ago. Thanksgiving break was around the corner.

The last game of the season was less than a week away. It was a wonder I'd managed to sleep at all.

The walls of my tiny dorm room felt like they were closing in around me.

I couldn't breathe.

There was a reason breaking up with Natalie had caused me so much stress, just like there was a reason I dreaded going home to busan for Thanks-giving, and it was the same reason I had questioned my future in football.

I had a secret I'd locked away years ago, in some place so well hidden that I'd managed pretty well to pretend it didn't exist for the better part of five years.

There were even times I forgot about it, rare moments when I believed the lies I told myself.

But as time went on, those moments became fewer and farther between and, eventually, they stopped coming altogether.

For the last few months, I'd spent nearly every waking moment thinking about it.

There was no more wondering. No more praying to be different.

No more excuses. I'm gay, I thought to myself. It felt good to finally admit it.

I'd never said the words out loud.

But there was a freedom in letting go of the internal struggle I held onto for years. I was gay.

That was it. Nothing more to it.

The only question was, what was I going to do about it? The only answer I'd come up with so far was, nothing.

I wasn't going to do anything about it.

There was nothing to do about it.

Except what I had been doing, which was watching gay porn on the iPad I kept locked away in my desk drawer.

When I needed relief, I'd jerk off while I imagined myself with another man.

It was my only choice, really.

There were times when I considered signing up for a hook-up app.

But those were for people who wanted to have anonymous sex.

Even if I'd found the idea appealing, it wasn't an option for me. I'd been the starting quarterback at school for three years straight.

I didn't have the luxury of anonymity.

I was small town famous.

There probably wasn't one person within a hundred miles of the campus who wouldn't recognize my face.

There were times when I thought about how freeing it would feel to say fuck it and just come out.

Most people wouldn't care. That was true. I knew gay people. I had gay professors.

I no longer lived in busan, where there were only two queer people in the entire town, including myself.

College made me realize that gay people were everywhere. They weren't just on T.V. But those people were not the son of Reverend Jeon Jungmin, pastor of the busan Methodist Church.