Darling, let me teach you a lesson. (Hyunlix)

Chapter 31

The two of them kissed for a long time, until Hyunjin laid his head on Felix's chest that was slowly rising and falling and listened to his beating heart while the TA kept brushing the brunette's hair mindlessly.

'Hyunjin, I wonder- could you tell me what exactly it is that you feel when you wear pants and what do you feel when wearing skirts?', Felix asked carefully, 'You don't have to answer if you don't want to', he made sure to add in a hurry but Hyunjin only took a deep breath in as he tried to collect his thoughts, tracing circles over Felix's clothed chest,

'Well, it's-', the taller tightened his lips, 'Wearing pants started being almost physically painful for me to do, maybe around 3 years ago?', he admitted and Felix let out a questioning small sound at that.

'How come?', the purple-haired asked quietly, his fingers massaging Hyunjin's scalp gently and helping the brunette stay calm and feel the peaceful buzz in his bones as he spoke.

'I liked wearing skirts in secret in my room for way longer than that, probably since I was 12 years old, a bit after I came to terms that I like boys, Hyunjin chuckled, 'but mm one night at a stupid house-party with some of my classmates, one guy from my class got wasted, one thing led to another and we ended up making out in one of the rooms there', Hyunjin nuzzled Felix's chest for a moment there to breathe in the boy's scent, before continuing.

'And as you can probably guess, the dude wasn't very happy with that on the next day when he sobered up, so, uh, he kind of started beating me up in the school's yard', Hyunjin felt Felix stiffening at that but the brunette wrapped his hand around the other's torso and squeezed him reassuringly.

'It wasn't that bad, he was weak and had obviously never thrown a punch in his life, plus, I fought back', Hyunjin let out another chuckle as Felix puffed above him with a quiet 'I'm sure you did'.

'But basically, it was new to me, I had been so scared of being gay and had never allowed myself to express it, so my kiss with him was sadly the first one in my life', Hyunjin pouted, 'And because of his reaction, at first when he was hitting me I was telling myself how I'd prefer to die alone than have to live like that', the brunette exhaled.

'However, at one point he said something like "You'll never be a girl so don't try to go around and throw yourself on other boys when you are the same as us and you're supposed to like women" and well, that ticked something in me, it made me so mad because I couldn't stand someone telling me that I have to be this or that, I couldn't stand the thought of being like him or like the other boys with their shitty toxic masculinity', Felix hummed silently above him as he started running his hand down Hyunjin's spine, emitting shivers from the brunette who took a second to recollect his thoughts from the sensation.

'So I decided "fuck him and fuck everyone I'll prove you all and myself that I can live like that" and on the next day I showed to school with a skirt. Obviously nobody was acting nice about it but I didn't care, kept doing it and when I tried to put on jeans a few days later I couldn't /breathe/ in them, I felt like I'm regressing to who I was before and giving in to everyone's demands to be a "proper man", so I threw all my pants away after that', Hyunjin said, feeling a bit weird as he hadn't told the story to anyone before but he knew that it was safe with Felix, that he was safe with him.

The TA stayed quiet for a few minutes, his hand still stroking Hyunjin's back, until he spoke up with a low voice:

'First of all, I'm proud of you, I really am', Felix let out, bringing a smile to the brunette's face and a slight blush to his cheeks, 'And also, I think that while you used it as a statement and as you said before, a "weapon" to show the world who you truly are- Hyunjin, you will still be yourself even without the skirts, you'll still be different from them, you can still fight for who you are, it won't regress you to anything if you don't wear them', the purple-haid said softly and Hyunjin's brows furrowed as he raised his head from the man's chest to look at him.