Fundamentals of Marriage | Suarez I

Chapter 29

Giving up for a lot of people means failure.

You gave up because you aren't brave enough to hold on or to fight for something that's suffocating you, making it hard to breathe.

I've read hundreds of books, inspirational and fictional. All of them tell one golden rule. 'Don't give up'. 'You can do it. Just hold on a bit more'.

Some say you only lose when you give up and giving up is for losers. But I haven't seen, heard, or read something that encourages someone to give up. Maybe because it is seen as a weakness?

It is viewed as not commendable and not worth praises or cheers and congratulations. Have you seen someone who applauds a person who has given up something? I haven't.

No one will appreciate that person because what we can only see is the fact that he gave up. His bruises, his silent battles, and his experiences remain invisible. So we see him as inconsequential.

Everyone knows how I love plaudits and admiration. I won't let anyone see me as an insignificant woman. I realized that more than my mother and society's expectations, I set my expectations too high.

But here I am, giving up after burning all my reasons to suffer, endure, and go with the flow of misery. I tried to do it a lot of times in the past but my courage wasn't enough.

Today, I will give up.

What people do not realize is... giving up doesn't always equate to weakness or failure. Quitting is not what weak people do. Failure is a dead-end, failing and quitting are not for they are a process.

Not all things are worth enduring, and not all things are worth fighting for.

No matter what you do, how much effort, love, and understanding you're exerting, some things won't work and won't even change.

It's okay to leave a game unfinished. You will lose on that one maybe, but you can try again.

Give up on something that's hurting you.

Gabi na ngunit abala pa rin ako sa pag-eempake ng mga gamit. I already packed four trolleys of my things. Nagkasya sa isang maleta ang mga gamit ni Felize. Siguro dahil maliliit ang mga 'yon. It is burdensome to bring furniture with me.

Hindi ko pa rin alam kung saan ako pupunta. I just know I will free myself from the hands of my mother. I have savings from the paintings I sold in the past. The piece I joined in the exhibition can buy us a small place to live. Small but peaceful, away from the noisy and unhealthy environment here at the mansion.

I told Kennedy my plan. Iiwan ko ka si Mom. Susukuan ko na siya. I'm tired of convincing myself to understand her and her selfish actions.

Ipinanganak niya akong duwag pero lumaki akong natuto kung paano lumaban.

"Nandito na 'ko sa unang kanto malapit sa mansiyon niyo. I can't stop in front of the mansion to be sure." si Ken nang sagutin ko ang tawag nito.

"Mom is already sleeping. Medyo marami kasi akong gamit, it will be hard kung malayo ka sa mansiyon," ani ko.

"Okay, okay. I'll be there."

I am looking outside the window from my room. I waited for his car to arrive before taking Felize from her crib. Balot na balot ang sanggol na mahimbing ang tulog. Nagdala ako ng isang maleta at sila ang inuna sa kotse.

"Hold Felize for me. I'll get the remaining trolleys." I handed Kennedy, my baby.

"Don't rush. You might wake the witch." He patted Felize's thigh when she moved.