Fundamentals of Marriage | Suarez I

Chapter 25

I left the table after lying to their faces. I ran my way to my room and locked to the door. There's a replay happening in my memory. Kung paanong bumagsak ang mga luha ni Franco nang bitawan ko ang mga salitang hindi totoo.

They are still here and I can't afford to finish my food in front of the man I betrayed. I'm biting my fist to suppress my cries, afraid that they will hear me.

I took my phone from my pocket to call Ciana. I just need someone to talk to. Someone to share this pain with. Hindi ko na kaya. Ikasisira ng ulo kung sasarilihin ko lahat.

"Ciana please... answer. Pick up, please... I need you," I mumbled after a few calls and she didn't answer. I ended up calling my brother in desperation but even him is out of reach. "Kuya... where are you..." namamaos na ang boses ko sa kaiiyak.

I failed to call my brother so I tried to reach Ciana again but still, she didn't answer. Sa sobrang desperada ko ay hindi ako tumigil hanggang sa mapagod at sumuko na lang.

I'm drowning in my sea of pain and no one can save me but myself. That's what I feel now. After all, the people whom I consider my allies have their own lives. Hindi sa lahat ng pagkakataon ay masasagip nila ako.

Inilabas ko lang nang inilabas ang nararamdaman hanggang sa humapdi ang mga mata at ito na ang kusang mapagod sa pag-iyak.

I'm on my bed, finding comfort in the corner, hugging my legs as I bury my face on my knees. Ilang oras akong ganoon. Umangat lang ang ulo ko nang bumukas ang pintuan at iluwa nito si Mommy.

I tightened my grip on my legs in fear. At this point, I don't know her already. I've always known she's evil but I didn't expect she will come this far.

Tanga nga siguro ako para isiping wala siyang gagawing masama when I saw how she's willing to lose me many times.

She's holding a tray of food. The glass of milk was the first thing I saw. It made me thirsty. Pinanood ko siyang lumapit sa akin. He put the tray down on my bed after sitting beside me.

"You didn't eat that much earlier. You must be hungry."

When did she even care? She only cares about how many calories I'm taking. She will freak out every time I will put on even a small amount of weight. She will starve me sometimes just so I can keep a perfect body.

"I don't want you here," I said weekly.

"You must feed the human inside you. You don't want to eat but how about your child?" she asked like she didn't tell me to abort my baby.

My nails tugged on my skin. Her hand extended to my face and wiped my tears with her bare fingers. Iniwas ko ang mukha sa pandidiri.

"Crying is bad for the baby, Era. Stop being dramatic over a man. You can live without Franco. You can raise your child alone. Just like how I raise--"

"I won't be like you!" I yelled. "I won't be cruel to my child. I won't deprive her of anything. I will love her the way I wished you love me. I rather die than be like you."

She sighed and wiped my tears again, aggressively. May halo iyong panggigigil.

"I know, I know. That's why you should eat because you don't want to starve your baby, right?" She took the glass of milk. Itinapat niya 'yon sa bibig ko. "Here, drink your milk."

Tinabig ko iyon dahilan upang mabasa siya at mabasag ang baso sa lapag. Napatayo si Mom, umuusok ang tenga sa galit.

"Zhareena!"

"I don't need you here. Leave me alone."

Her shoulders shivered. Kumuyom ang mga kamay niya. Sumigaw ito mula sa loob ng kuwarto upang utusan ang kasambahay na ipagtimpla ako ng gatas. Ang isa'y pinapunta niya sa loob upang linisin ang sahig.