DEAR L

Cold Snow

Lisa borrowed her Dad's car to pick up Jennie. The two were silent inside the car as they watch the first snow of the season on the window. Each one tried to start a talk but all that dropped were tears flowing down their faces. 

They arrived at the hotel, still silent even until they entered the room.

Lisa opened two cans of beer while Jennie went straight to their favorite place — the balcony. 

"Can you still recall our first balcony time together?" Lisa spoke and handed the beer to Jennie.

They couldn't ignore the sadness in their eyes.

"Yes. That was hot. I never thought that would be the moment I found the love of my life." Jennie tried to smile as she drinks her beer. 

"We made promises. Promises that we both know now that we really can't live with. I am sorry for bringing you in this situation, Jen. I didn't mean to. I am so in love with you." Lisa talks to her but her sight is away.

"It's never wrong to fall in love. I should be the one apologizing for what's happening to you, your career and family. I am sorry, Lisa." Jennie sighed while controlling her tears. But it just flows. 

"I thought we're getting married. I thought after tying the knot we're going to live a happy life. I am so happy that finally my father acknowledged me and accepted the love that we are in, Jen. But why does the world bring pain when we're gaining our happiness already? I love you. But why do we have to face life this way?" Lisa is breaking down. 

Jennie took the cans and placed on the table at the corner. She held Lisa's waist and hugged her from the back. 

"I am so sorry. God knows that I can choose you. God knows that in my heart I love you so much, Lisa. But the situation doesn't bring any good anymore. We both know that. I don't want people around hurting you. They even hurt you now because of me. And the sad part here is, my family's the one breaking you." Jennie's really trying to speak clearly.

Lisa twisted herself, faced Jennie and held her arms.

"Stop feeling sorry. I understand your situation. As much as I also want to fight for us, I don't want to put my family in danger. I know my father is just stopping himself to hurt your Dad back because he thinks of you too. But what if we try to fight for this again and another blood will be shed out? Do you understand me? Jen, I love my family too. I know you are again obeying your parents because you love them." Lisa's tears are strolling down in so much pain.

"I love you the most, Lisa. But they left me with no choice. I have to save them. I was surprised to know that my father is in big trouble, and the only way to lift him up is when I — I marry the guy he wants for me. This is stupid. Damn. Why do I have to deal with this?" Jennie trembles in deep sorrow. She knows that she needs to let go of Lisa. 

"If only I'm rich, I would really help your father, but I am nothing. And even if I got the fortune, he still wouldn't like me for you because of my condition. I love you Jennie and I don't want you to suffer. 

I can say I am letting you go but shit—. It fucking hurts and I can't. I don't want to lose you.

Fuck! I know letting you go is not the right decision but what else can we do now? Can we just run away? Let's ask help from my Dad for us to start living in another country? Let's live normally and fight for this? One more try, babe? Fuck!" Lisa is so desperate thinking of some other ways.

"Easy to think of that. I thought of that too, Lisa. I was even thinking of hiding with you. But until when and where we can bring ourselves into? I am also concerned of the Senator's reputation if ever we push our willingness. I love your family and I don't want to be a burden to them, Lisa." She just then hugged Lisa tight.

"They love you too, Jen.  I thought of something too. What if we pretend we're not seeing each other anymore but the truth is, we are still together? I'm being hidden for a long time, what's new? We can still be us even if you're married to that guy. It's just in papers, but we both know that in our hearts, we are in love. What do you think?" Lisa proposed.

Jennie chuckled like a fool as her tears run down. 

Moment of silence came in and all they do was staring at each other with so much love and wanting. 

Jennie held and  pulled Lisa's nape and took her love's lips to hers gently. 

But that kiss led them inside the room. That led Jennie's back on the wall while her skirt is being pushed down. She didn't think of any thing anymore but undress Lisa. They couldn't the stop the fire that keeps their love flaming. 

Lisa entered her with so much emotions. Her throat couldn't deny the passion that Lisa brings in when she just moaned— wanting so much more from her lover. More love from her lover she has no guarantee if they can keep forever. 

They reached the couch where she pushed Lisa and sat on her lap. Every thrust she makes after she felt her inside is a sign of her eagerness to be with her forever. 

Moans. No. But it's more of "I love you, Lisa". So many times she uttered those words.

An expression of undying love she knows that will exist everyday and has no end. 

Her move is as fast as the train that could have brought them to places. Fast. Her deep sucking walls that made Lisa cry not because of sexual pain, there actually is a beautiful pleasure, but because of this heartache that strangles their desire and has no clear shape anymore—they let out tears.

They made love like they don't want to end it. They made love like the first time they did it. And another one in a wild shade of love they have for each other— so strong and with so much grips of holding on. 

Lisa embraced Jennie the way she always wanted. A hug with security and calmness. A wrap of safety and joy. Lisa is always Jennie's home. 

The next day, Jennie and Lisa talked to the Senator and discussed their plan. Jennie agreed with Lisa's idea of running away and stepping out from Korea. Lisa's Dad promised to help them and even asked them out for dinner because he has a surprise for the couple. 

Lisa brought her girlfriend home because V has been calling her. He said their Dad has been so mad knowing Jennie was not around last night. Jennie has to prepare all her stuff too. But before Jennie left the car, Lisa wrapped her tight.

"Whatever happens, always remember that I'd always choose you. Even if the world is so cruel to us, I will always choose you, Jennie. Even if it takes another bullet." 

"I love you Lisa. Always."

Tears never left their faces.

And they parted with their comforting kiss.

Lisa looks at Jennie walking away with this sorrow in her heart.