Starman | BTS 8th Member | *ੈ✩‧₊˚(editing)

83.

I didn't end up going out with jimin and that lot.

When we eventually went home, namjoon held my hand very tightly the whole way, as if afraid id walk into the road.

It was tempting after i finally realised the damage of crying in front of namjoon. I felt ashamed. I wanted him to think i was stronger than that. God, when was the last time i cried infront of anyone? When was the last time i cried?

I didn't get the words i wanted from namjoon and it's because i didn't tell him. I couldn't. I want to tell someone so bad how I hate everything about myself but why should i dump it all on them? It sounds so whiny and Its down right in fair.

For the next couple of days, my chest felt like it was being torn apart. The burning feeling came every time i breathed. Then the feeling of pressure, but now it was everywhere. And it seemed, my head was going back to its old ways.

Crippling headaches. So i just slept through most of it. This week we were practising all previous songs. It was if the company knew i felt exhausted, so they put us through our most tiring practices.

I remember walking out of the room after practice and seeing stars. I refuse to believe I'm sick. If i am, there's only one place id have got it from and it's yoongi. The feeling of even mentioning it would be crushing.

This was all something i could live with until the 4th day.

"hyuuuunnnng" jungkook whined, swinging on my door. He had terrified me so I had fell out of bed because of it.

"what-" i groaned, trying to cover my head to block out the light that flooded through the door. He was swinging on it now, in with a pouty look on his face.

"hyung- can i have a hug? I want to check if you're real?" he was in one of Those moods where all he does is crave attention. I guess i am his last resort.

"sure give me a sec" i whispered, trying to recover from my crushed lungs.

I wheezed feeling my insides burn.

Like someone was gripping into my lungs, not wanting me to breathe.

"jisung?"

Then i fell. For a strangely long time. I assumed my bedroom floor was closer to me.

But Then a familiar cold feeling washed over me. It cooled the burning feeling in my lungs. It quelled every ache in my body.

"jisung?" i panicked voice shot through the cold, trying to pull me up.

No. I don't want to get up.

"i think he's blacked out" i heard a mutter. Have i?

Have i really?

That's why I'm so cold.

The cold that has once been so soothing now bit me. It wasn't comforting at all.

_

I don't remember waking up. I don't remember getting out of whoever's grasp i was in.

But i know i was there for a while. Jin was there, i remember the smell of his cologne. It's very specific. Very different, which i liked. Its the addicting kind. The kind i want to consume and makes my heart beat.

"hes awake-" i heard someone hiss, and clambering to their feet. I reconsided the foot pattern. It was Hoseok. Clumsy footfalls.

"don't smoother him-" i heard another voice. It was louder than hoseoks, coming from above or behind.

Jin.

"but i want to ask him if hes ok-"

"You can do that from a distance"